Lunatic Swine
Friday, May 27, 2005
A judge makes a good decision, finally
Judge Bars Photos of Jackson Genitalia
By LINDA DEUTSCHThe Associated PressThursday, May 26, 2005; 9:42 PM
SANTA MARIA, Calif. -- The judge in the Michael Jackson molestation trial Thursday spared jurors from seeing a graphic piece of evidence when he barred prosecutors from showing photographs of the pop star's genitalia.
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Thank you God!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:18 AM 0 comments
Today's NWO/PC thug in the news
Last Updated: Thursday, 26 May, 2005, 23:48 GMT 00:48 UK
Doctors' kitchen knives ban call
Doctors say knives are too pointed
A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing.
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Why don't we ban toothpicks too? It seems that people shifting the blame and addressing the symptoms instead of the actual problem is not just a US failure. How soon before someone sues a knife company for making them too pointy?!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:10 AM 0 comments
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Suspected in disappearances of 60 women...
Murder charges pile up for pig farmer
Suspected in disappearances of 60 women
Thursday, May 26, 2005 Posted: 8:12 AM EDT (1212 GMT)
VANCOUVER, British Columbia (AP) -- A pig farmer, who if convicted could become Canada's most notorious serial killer, was charged Wednesday with 12 new counts of first-degree murder.
The new charges come on top of the 15 charges Robert Pickton already faces in the disappearance of more than 60 women, mainly prostitutes who vanished from the seedy Downtown Eastside neighborhood of Vancouver.
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What was that line from the movie "Snatch" about people that keep pigs?
- posted by Jasper @ 5:45 AM 0 comments
British teeth not the only scary thing....
Man bitten on the bum by shark
www.ananova.com
A British man survived a shark attack - after it bit his bottom.
Jay Catherall was surfing in Eastern Cap Province, South Africa when he was attacked.
Jay from Worcester punched the shark but needed 75 stitches reports The Sun.
Jay said: "I don't know if it went because I was hitting out or because it didn't like the taste."
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I guess we now know how to make a reliable shark repellant: British Ass
It may be one of those times when the cure is worse than the disease.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:16 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Suspicious package: No, it's not a rock group.
Suspicious package was fake foot-long plastic penis
By SARAH LUNDYSLUNDY@NEWS-PRESS.COM
Published by news-press.com on May 24, 2005
The “suspicious package” that caused Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway to be shut for more than an hour Monday was not an explosive pipe bomb — but rather wrapped-up plastic foot-long penis.“Someone took construction-grade plastic, molded it into a penis and wrapped it with duct tape,” said Lee County Sheriff’s Chief Deputy Charles Ferrante.“They wrote ‘Happy Father’s Day’ on the duct tape.”
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Maybe I'm crazy, but it still sounds suspicious to me...
- posted by Jasper @ 5:04 AM 0 comments
Brewers strike for right to drink
Brewers strike for right to drink
www.ananova.com
Danish brewers have gone on strike for the right to drink at work. The 200 workers at the Harboe-Brewery West of Copenhagen walked out after being told beer would no longer be served in the staff canteen or allowed on the shop floor. The staff will still be allowed six bottles of Harboe-Pilsner per day, but will have to drink it outside of work hours.
But the workers say the restriction is an invasion of personal freedom, and walked out in protest.
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Hooray for the Danes! Screw the French.
- posted by Jasper @ 4:58 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
How could a congressman be this stupid?
Congressman Slams Maher Over Army Remark
Alabama Congressman Says Comedian Bill Maher's Remark About Army Recruiting 'Borders on Treason'
By JEFFREY McMURRAY Associated Press Writer
The Associated Press
WASHINGTON May 23, 2005 — A congressman says comedian Bill Maher's comment that the U.S. military has already recruited all the "low-lying fruit" is possibly treasonous and at least grounds to cancel the show.
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I guess that's all she wrote for free speech. How can a actual congressman be this constitutionally ignorant? He's from Alabama, he got the job because he was the only one with a GED.
- posted by Jasper @ 10:21 AM 0 comments
Das Keyboard:UberGeeks only
No Inscriptions on the keys
100% blank
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Ah yes, someone turned out a couple of thousand defective keyboards and this is the marketing departments brainstorm. It's supposed to make you a better typist since you can't look at the keys. Here's an idea, maybe you could just blind us so we'd be better typists on any keyboard!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:05 AM 0 comments
Fatty totally misses the point, blames others for humiliation
Obese woman referred to zoo
www.ananova.com
A 29-stone New York woman says she was humiliated when she was told to go to a zoo for an x-ray.
"It's humiliating. I was told if elephants and hippos need MRIs, they have the equipment at the Bronx Zoo. It was like I was an animal," she said.
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News flash: You should be humiliated-but why can't you realize it's your fault you don't fit in a normal human sized MRI? Something happens today and too many people point the finger at anyone else. You have no one to blame but yourself, Size Queen.
- posted by Jasper @ 4:55 AM 0 comments
Monday, May 23, 2005
Man charged with terrorizing midgets
GRAND JURY STEPS UP IN 'MIDGET-BASHING'
May 20, 2005 -- A grand jury made short order of a Brighton Beach man yesterday, indicting him for terrorizing his neighbors — a midget mother and daughter. The Brooklyn Criminal Court indictment is still sealed, so it's unknown what charges Joseph Izzo, 40, will face.
He was busted last month on hate-crime charges for singing, "Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to work we go," and spewing racial epithets at 3-foot-8 Debra Shea and her 3-foot-6 daughter, Concelean Pegues.
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This guy should watch his step if he ever wants to find their pot of gold!
- posted by Jasper @ 7:33 AM 0 comments
Boobies: Is there nothing they can't do!?
Busty child reported to ease anti-Japan tension in China
By GEOFF BOTTINGShukan Bunshun (May 19)
The wave of anti-Japanese sentiment in China continues, more than a month since the first round of demonstrations against the Japanese government's approval of a controversial school textbook flared throughout the country. Diplomats and politicians on both sides have been trying to diffuse tensions in a flurry of meetings and shuttle diplomacy, but so far these methods have had only limited effect.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:15 AM 0 comments
Why is this news?
Darth Vader robs Illinois theater
May 23, 2005
(Springfield, Illinois-NBC) May 22, 2005 - It appears Darth Vader delivered an unwelcome show of force at an Illinois movie theater this weekend.
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Wow, big surprise. Darth Vader does something evil.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:12 AM 0 comments
China's newest Superhero!
Man pulls car with ears while standing on eggs
www.ananova.com
A Chinese man pulled a car with his ears while walking on eggs without breaking them.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:40 AM 0 comments
Friday, May 20, 2005
Riiiighht.....let me guess, this guy is part of the Tin Foil Hat Brigade?
Filmmaker Claims Jim Morrison Is Alive In Oregon
NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Here’s news that will light the fire of Jim Morrison fans: A filmmaker claims The Doors’ frontman is alive and raising horses on a ranch in southern Oregon.
Pitts, who met Morrison in 1998, says the rocker staged his death because of a French conspiracy to kill him, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix with narcotics because they were all Vietnam war protestors.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:38 AM 0 comments
Eric Foreman vs Spiderman
Topher Grace to be 'Spidey 3' villain
Friday, May 20, 2005 Posted: 8:22 AM EDT (1222 GMT)
LOS ANGELES, California (Hollywood Reporter) -- "That '70s Show" star Topher Grace has joined the lineup of "Spider-Man 3," in which he will play one of two villains.
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I've seen him in a few movies and he can act, he puts the Punkd guy to shame, but as a villian? Kind of stretching it.........
- posted by Jasper @ 5:30 AM 0 comments
Edward Scissorhands as HST again
Johnny Depp in "The Rum Diary"
POSTED ON 05/19/05
Variety reports that Johnny Depp will once again play the late Hunter S. Thompson in "The Rum Diary," to which Bruce Robinson ("The Killing Fields) will adapt and direct. Depp is also an executive producer on the project.
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"No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough. "
- posted by Jasper @ 5:24 AM 0 comments
Stroke a chicken over the internet
Stroke a chicken over the internet
www.ananova.com
Scientists have developed a system which enables people to stroke a chicken over the internet.
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?
Shouldn't they be curing cancer or at least inventing a beer that never goes flat?
- posted by Jasper @ 5:21 AM 0 comments
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Hooray for Justice!
N.Y. judge tosses forcible touching charge
Associated Press
A Manhattan judge has dismissed a forcible touching charge filed against a man who patted a woman's buttocks, ruling that a mere pat on the rear, even if unwanted, does not rise to the level of that crime.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:59 AM 0 comments
NBA labor talks break down
The Associated Press
May 19, 2005
NEW YORK - Labor talks between the NBA and the players’ union broke off Wednesday, increasing the chance of a lockout starting in the offseason.
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Who f*cking cares? Really, a bunch of spoiled millionaires and their greedy agents can't see how the NBA is losing popularity and hold out for more cash. Good riddance. I actually read recently that some loser suggested payment for playing to represent the US in international competition?!?
It's supposed to be an honor to represent your company, not another way to pad your bank account and buy another BMW. Jackass.
AVG NBA salary: $4.9M
AVG US income: $36K
So the average Joe will need about 133 years to make what you spoiled bitches make in a year. And you want more? Don't expect any sympathy from here.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:44 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
It's official: We men are now officially expendable
Kinky shopper KOed by vibrating knickers
By Lester Haines
Published Wednesday 18th May 2005 12:04 GMT
...Unfortunately, she became "so aroused by the 2½-inch vibrating bullet inside that she fainted" then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing". Having disabled the orgasmatronic underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discretely concealed in a plastic bag.
- posted by Jasper @ 9:24 AM 0 comments
Guess who's back? You have 28 days to answer!
Tests confirm Congo Ebola outbreak
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
BRAZZAVILLE, Republic of Congo (Reuters) -- Ebola has returned to the Republic of Congo, killing nine people since the end of April, the World Health Organization (WHO) said on Wednesday after tests confirmed the presence of the deadly virus
..........."Since the beginning (of the outbreak), we have registered 11 cases, including nine deaths," Yada said in the capital, Brazzaville.
- posted by Jasper @ 9:05 AM 0 comments
It's obvious, we'll have to kill every bird.
Hostile Grackles Attack People in Houston
May 18, 7:24 AM (ET)
HOUSTON (AP) - Like a scene from the horror movie "The Birds," large black grackles are swooping down on downtown Houston and attacking people's heads, hair and backs.
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First that bird flu, now this?? How much of this crap are we supposed to put up with! We have to kill them all, NOW, or we risk living in a Planet of the Birds!
- posted by Jasper @ 9:01 AM 0 comments
It's not the weed you're thinking of....
Beer drinking curbed by prodigious weed
21:00 16 May 2005
NewScientist.com news service
...kudzu plant extract has helped reduce alcohol drinking in rats and hamsters, but this is the first study to show the effect in humans.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:13 AM 0 comments
Man eating robots, coming soon!
Japanese researchers develop fuel cell running on blood
Fri May 13, 4:09 PM ET
TOKYO (AFP) - A Japanese research team has developed a fuel cell that runs on blood without using toxic substances, opening the way for use in artificial hearts and other organs.
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Apparently the Japanese didn't think the Terminator was efficient enough, now it will kill you and then eat you.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:03 AM 0 comments
Monday, May 16, 2005
Banned bun-snatching ritual revived
Silly story, I just enjoy the dirty sounding title.
- posted by Jasper @ 9:14 AM 0 comments
Disturbing flash cartoon. Seriously.
The person that put the time and effort into creating this is either a future horror great or bound for prison. Or both.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:21 AM 0 comments
Dawn of the Dead, Romanian Style: "Brains.....brains...."
Doctor punched by 'corpse'
Hospital officials in Romania are investigating after a doctor was punched by a 'corpse' in the morgue.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:43 AM 0 comments
Friday, May 13, 2005
The Weekly World News strikes again!
HUBBY DIES AFTER SEEING FAT WIFE IN THONG UNDIES!
SUPER-SIZE ugly duckling Sarah Martin "stopped her husband's heart and killed him dead" when she surprised him in a pair of skimpy thong undies, say cops. "
The sight of the blubbery babe with her bulging buttocks and cottage cheese thighs was so overwhelmingly horrible -- his heart literally exploded," says a coroner source.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:22 AM 0 comments
Once is bad, but 3 times? Maybe God wants him dead.
Man shot three times while cleaning gun
A Centre, Ala. man reportedly shot himself three times by accident while cleaning his gun on May 6.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:16 AM 0 comments
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Hello Skynet, how soon until we're in the Matrix?
Published online: 11 May 2005
Robots master reproduction
Modular machine assembles copies of itself in minutes.
Humans do it, bacteria do it, even viruses do it: they make copies of themselves. Now US researchers have built a flexible robot that can perform the same trick. do it, bacteria do it, even viruses do it: they make copies of themselves. Now US researchers have built a flexible robot that can perform the same trick.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:17 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Centrifugal weapon could deliver stealth firepower
Cool new gun accelerates ball bearings and hurls them around. Link to video in article.
- posted by Jasper @ 8:08 AM 0 comments
Isn't this like a butcher shop for vegetarians??
Dating agency for the celibate
A Chinese dating agency has staged a matchmaking meeting for celibate people.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:10 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Whores College
Whores College
A day of classes for sex workers, called Whores College, has been held in San Francisco.
Call me crazy, but isn't this still illegal? What's next, a pimp finishing school?
- posted by Jasper @ 5:13 AM 0 comments
Give peas a chance
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Teenager buried in avalanche of peas
www.ananova.com
A teenager had to be rescued from an avalanche of peas after he forced open an industrial container in New Zealand.
Story filed: 09:37 Tuesday 10th May 2005
- posted by Jasper @ 5:11 AM 0 comments
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Think of how fast the important things will be: boobies and games
'Personal supercomputer' goes on sale
16:20 04 May 2005
NewScientist.com news service
...the DC-96 contains a "cluster" of 96 interconnected low-voltage microprocessors, each of which is capable of running at 1.2 Gigahertz, or 1.2 billion cycles per second...these processors give the machine a peak computing power of 230 gigaflops, or the ability to carry out 230 billion complex mathematical operations every second. The machine also comes with a massive 192 gigabytes of memory.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:35 AM 0 comments
Sweeeet!
Spank helps beat blues
By EMMA MORTON
GETTING a smack on the backside can cheer you up, an expert claimed yesterday.
Being spanked daily by a member of the opposite sex is said to help beat stress and depression.
Finally, a cure for depression that everyone can get behind.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:11 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Stupid Headlines Part # 3,125,887
Rice warns North Korea on nukes
Tuesday, May 3, 2005 Posted: 1:17 AM EDT (0517 GMT)
What's next? "Pasta warns Italians", "Tacos warn Mexicans"?!
- posted by Jasper @ 11:42 AM 0 comments
Jennifer Lopez wants to be first female US president?!?
" 'I'm a total powerhouse. If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president -- that would be really cool,' J.Lo told German celebrity glossy Bravo in an issue to be published Wednesday."
File under "Please just shut the fuck up". Another celebrity clearly shows that they have no grasp on reality. Just because you can make shitty movies like Gigli and still sell records doesn't mean you're qualified to be President. Although she does say stupid things in public, just like our current President.....
- posted by Jasper @ 8:44 AM 0 comments
Darth Vader has his own blog!
Whose trachea do you have to crush with your mind to get a little service around here?
- posted by Jasper @ 6:05 AM 0 comments
Soup Nazi to be deported
Last update - 01:42 03/05/2005
Nazi collaborator to be deported from U.S.
By The Associated Press
WASHINGTON - An 86-year-old Nazi collaborator who owned a New York City restaurant will be deported, government officials said Monday.
I wouldn't worry about this jerk, I'm sure he can find a job with the new Pope. They can talk about the good old days.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:47 AM 0 comments
Like we needed another reason to avoid fatties?
Obesity in middle age linked with dementia
12:48 29 April 2005 NewScientist.com
Being obese in middle age increases the likelihood of dementia later in life, according to a new study that followed people from their forties through to old age.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:33 AM 0 comments
Argentina's great beaver plague
I worry about Argentina. How can a country complain about too much great beaver?
- posted by Jasper @ 5:27 AM 0 comments
Monday, May 02, 2005
I feel a great disturbance in the Force...
Bollywood 'Oscars' Honor Baywatch Star Hasselhoff
Sun May 1, 2005 03:07 AM ET
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. (Reuters) - India's version of the Oscars were handed out at the glittering Bollywood movie award ceremony on Saturday that saw a veteran director sweep the top honors and U.S. actor David Hasselhoff named international star of the year.
Help me Obi Wan!
I felt a great disturbance in the Force...as if millions of
voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear
something terrible has happened.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:21 AM 0 comments
There has to be a way I can use this to my advantage.
Sex makes women sprinters faster, says German coach
“With women, it’s not true that sex before competitions has negative effects. On the contrary, we have scientific evidence that women who have sex shortly before competing run better. It boosts performance,” Uwe Hakus told Germany’s Fit for Fun magazine.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:18 AM 0 comments
Suddenly I don't want to know what the Swedish Chef was saying.
State report highlights bestiality in Sweden
April 29 2005 at 05:58PM
Stockholm - Bestiality, or sex with animals, is a growing problem in Sweden and in many cases the animals suffer physical injury, according to the country's first government-commissioned study on the issue presented on Friday...Bestiality is not illegal in Sweden.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:13 AM 0 comments
East Coast Clippers win a playoff game!
Thomas sparks Wizards to first playoff win since 1988
Posted: Saturday April 30, 2005 6:06PM; Updated: Saturday April 30, 2005 8:24PM
Not really news, but it's Monday.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:10 AM 0 comments
