Award for best double phallic name since Peter O'Toole goes to....
Jets notebook: Kingsbury replaces Testaverde as No. 2
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
BY DAVE HUTCHINSON
Star-Ledger Staff
blah blah blah………Edwards also repeated he wanted to score and not be shut out. Edwards said he's not worried about owner Woody Johnson's refusal to answer questions about the coach's future on Sunday following the game.

"I'm fine with Mr. Johnson," Edwards said. "We have a good relationship.”

Jets owner Woody Johnson! Also a great end quote, but it's probably something all guys would say.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:30 AM 0 comments

 
36K? That's a salary, not a cup size!
Taunted girl's breasts reduced on the NHS
By Richard Savill
(Filed: 23/11/2005)

A teenager has had breast reduction surgery after claiming that other girls taunted her about her 36K chest.

Stephenie Mann, 16, said the bullying was so intolerable that her parents agreed to her having an operation on the National Health Service. Last month her breasts were reduced by 11 cup sizes to a more comfortable 36D.
I'm not sure I can imagine what that looks like, but I'll sure try.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:28 AM 0 comments

 
Get your rocks off
Bush lobbies to have large rocks classified as WMD’s;
Netflix guides policy
Ben Affleck movie gives President first idea of November
Tuesday, November 22, 2005; Posted: 3:30 p.m. EST (20:30 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) – President Bush, hoping to repair his administrations tarnished image, is pushing the UN to classify all large rocks as WMD’s. Insiders report that the Georgie hopes to accomplish two things with his “Bush wants your rocks” initiative, to retroactively justify the statements made prior to invading Iraq as well as paving the way for a similar action in Iran.

Bush stumbled upon the idea, his first of November, when Netflix sent him a copy of ‘Armageddon’, a Ben Affleck movie centered on a large asteroid threatening the Earth. "I've always been askeered of Mount Rushmore, and now I knows why," the President explained.
- posted by Jasper @ 7:04 AM 0 comments

 
Detroit loses first, gets great quote
Detroit News
Rasheed, on Milicic
The Pistons were impressed with Darko Milicic on Friday. In the second quarter, he got entangled with Dikembe Mutombo. Mutombo stuck a finger in Milicic's face. Milicic never backed off.
He then went on to block two shots, one of them Mutombo's.
"I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster," Rasheed Wallace said. "Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."
It's been a while since there were many good characters in the NBA. Lots of punks, but where are the Barkelys, Dawkins, Mahorn.....so sad.
Speaking of Barkley: "He's instant offense... on both ends of the floor, I might add."
(Barkley on Cuttino Mobley)
- posted by Jasper @ 5:23 AM 0 comments

 
It just keeps getting worse...
Locked doors thwart Bush's bid to duck question
Reuters
Sunday, November 20, 2005; 8:10 AM
BEIJING (Reuters) - Irked by a reporter who told him he seemed to be "off his game" at a Beijing public appearance, President George W. Bush sought to make a hasty exit from a news conference but was thwarted by locked doors.
The final reporter he called on critiqued Bush's performance earlier in the day when he stood next to Hu in the Great Hall of the People on Tiananmen Square to deliver a statement....."Have you ever heard of jet lag?" Bush responded. "Well, good. That answers your question."
...When the reporter asked for "a very quick follow-up," Bush cut him off by thanking the press corps and telling the reporter "No you may not," as he strode toward a set of double doors leading out of the room.
The only problem was that they were locked. "I was trying to escape. Obviously, it didn't work," Bush quipped, facing reporters again until an aide rescued him by pointing to him toward the correct door.
Yes, that is the "leader" of our country. Embarrassing. At least he didn't throw up on anyone.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:20 AM 0 comments

 
Three cheers for sane people!

al-Zarqawi's Jordan Family Renounces Him

- posted by Jasper @ 2:41 PM 0 comments

 
via FARK: Match dot sham
Online dating gets slapped... with suits
Match.com is accused of sending out bogus romantic e-mails, Yahoo may have posted made up profiles.
November 18, 2005: 2:33 PM EST

NEW YORK (Reuters) - It's not easy finding love in cyberspace, and now some frustrated online daters say they were victims of fraud by two top Internet matchmaking services and have taken their complaints to court.

Match.com, a unit of IAC/Interactive Corp. (Research), is accused in a federal lawsuit of goading members into renewing their subscriptions through bogus romantic e-mails sent out by company employees. In some instances, the suit contends, people on the Match payroll even went on sham dates with subscribers as a marketing ploy.
As long as they put out, what's the problem?

- posted by Jasper @ 2:39 PM 0 comments

 
Take that you Kansas Jesus-freaks
Vatican Official Refutes Intelligent Design
By NICOLE WINFIELD, Associated Press Writer
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican's chief astronomer said Friday that "intelligent design" isn't science and doesn't belong in science classrooms, the latest high-ranking Roman Catholic official to enter the evolution debate in the United States.

The Rev. George Coyne, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said placing intelligent design theory alongside that of evolution in school programs was "wrong" and was akin to mixing apples with oranges.
Kansas isn't the only place where Jesus freaks have been suing to get intelligent design taught beside evolution in the classroom, but it's the most recent I could remember. Now we'll see if they're really dogmatic fanatics or can they listen and think. Face it, the Vatican itself doesn't think intelligent design belongs in the classroom---so fly off and oppress someone else. Maybe you could reverse Roe v. Wade, or start up a "Help keep the cripples crippled" club to fight stem cell research?
- posted by Jasper @ 10:21 AM 0 comments

 
via Slashdot: Cancer? AIDS? World hunger? Naah.
Scientists Produce Fearless Mice
Posted by CowboyNeal on Friday November 18, @02:43AM
from the no-cheese-is-safe dept.
Dotnaught writes "According to New Scientist, a Rutgers University geneticist has found that turning off a specific gene for the protein stathmin makes mice fearless. The story speculates that this research might improve treatment for phobias. It does not mention obvious military applications for the discovery. As noted in this Naval Officer's guide for managing fatigue, the use of amphetamines to stay alert, followed by sedatives to sleep, has a long tradition. Genetic treatments may offer an alternative to pharmaceuticals."
We don't need cures, we need Mighty Mouse to save the day!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:25 AM 0 comments

 
via FARK: Female Nasal Viagra!
Nasal Spray Arouses Women's Desire To Have Sex In Minutes
POSTED: 1:34 pm EST November 17, 2005

A new nasal spray aphrodisiac for women that works in minutes may soon hit the market, according to a Local 6 News report.
Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses.
Female Nasal Viagra! No, not a punk or hip hop band but a ray of hope for nerds everywhere. They need to put this in a mace like dispenser and market it to nerds.

I wonder what would happen if you sprayed some on some flowers that you were giving a woman? With my luck, she’d probably run off with some produce.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:10 AM 0 comments

 
AOL is a POS
Buddies That Promote AOL Draw Complaints
Nov 17 12:57 PM US/Eastern

NEW YORK
Two new buddies greeted chatters on America Online Inc.'s instant- messaging service this week, but they were not universally welcomed.
Some AIM users complained that the buddies _ to promote AOL's movies and shopping services amounted to an intrusion. In a Web journal entry, Mike Masnick of Techdirt Inc. compared them to "buddy list spam."
AOL continues to show that it just doesn't understand the internet user. I have to assume that whatever idiot at Time-Warner that pushed the acquisition of AOL has been "retired". Anyone that's familiar with the 'net hates AOL, and since everyone's growing up with it now, they're doomed unless they totally change directions. And with crap like this, I know what I'd bet on.
- posted by Jasper @ 4:55 AM 0 comments

 
In honor of Thanksgiving...

Les: No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!

Johnny: Les? Are you there? Les isn't there. Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les, and for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

Site has all sorts of great WKRP quotes, including:
Herb: Boy, where have you been?

Jennifer: Out with other men, Herb, letting them have their way with me.

- posted by Jasper @ 5:18 AM 0 comments

 
Brando is back from the grave, and he's hungry.
Exotic animal meats on VIP menu at zoo
November 16, 2005

BANGKOK, Thailand --VIP guests at the grand opening of the night safari zoo in northern Thailand will not only get to see exotic animals -- they'll get to taste them.

The Chiang Mai Night Safari Zoo will have its official opening on New Year's Day, and the "Exotic Buffet" marking the event will include tiger, lion, elephant and giraffe, said Plodprasop Suraswadi, the director of the zoo project.
Ah, reality catches up with movies, e.g. "The Freshman". Also reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer made his anti-bear suit, there was a big game hunter that ate all sorts of critters. But finding a Simpsons reference is like shooting fish in a barrel.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:13 AM 0 comments

 
Dumbass of the day
Group wants to see humans extinct

SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 16 (UPI) -- Make no mistake about it, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement isn't anti-child, it's more like anti-human.
The VHE is dedicated to phasing out the human race in the interest of the health of the Earth, founder Les Knight told Wednesday's San Francisco Chronicle.
How about leading by example? C'mon, you're either part of the solution, or part of the problem.
- posted by Jasper @ 4:56 AM 0 comments

 
Enough is enough already
Three more return for "Scary Movie 4"

POSTED ON 11/15/05 AT 3:00 P.M.
BY ETHAN AAMES The Hollywood Reporter reports that three more actors from "Scary Movie 3" is joining "Scary Movie 4." Carmen Electra, Simon Rex, and Leslie Nielsen will all return for "Scary Movie 4," along with Anna Faris and Regina Hall.
Not that I have anything against this series, but how long will they beat a dead horse? Remaking the Pink Panther, good idea jackass. If anything makes money, expect a handful of clones. Harry Potter made money, so you get Lemony Snicket. LOTR did well, so we get the Narnia movie. Individually some of the films may be worth it, but they're the exceptions--a great story and/or director. But they're being made because they fit the mold. How often does an innovative story get on the big screen? And forget it if you're waiting for an intelligent film for adults.

I think the movie makers just want a mad lib thing, fill in the blanks. A cinematic formula to guarantee success. But people, or intelligent people, are sick of that cookie cutter crap for $9+ a ticket. If it’s a formula, it’s going to suck and people won’t want to see it-with occasional exceptions.

Will we get good movies someday, or do they continue to churn out 95% of pg-13, largest possible audience cliché/remake pieces of shit?
- posted by Jasper @ 11:58 AM 0 comments

 
via Drudge: Sedative-Spitting Transvestites
Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites
POSTED: 12:28 pm EST November 14, 2005

BANGKOK, Thailand -- Thai police are warning tourists of a new scam. Members of a Thai transvestite gang have confessed to hiding strong sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims during deep kissing. Then they rob the drugged tourists.
Damn, note to self: avoid Thai women. Hell, avoid Thailand.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:13 AM 0 comments

 
Misleading Headlines
Handmade bombs slow push against insurgents
www.cnn.com

U.S. Marines and Iraqi soldiers Friday battled an unseen enemy --
Oops, although I hate Georgie you have to respect the price the troops are paying. I actually thought this was about Ben Affleck's movies. You know: Surviving Christmas, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Gigli, Daredevil, The Third Wheel, Changing Lanes, Daddy and Them, Pearl Harbor, Bounce, Reindeer Games, Forces of Nature....
- posted by Jasper @ 7:51 PM 0 comments

 
Anyone surprised?-File under "Waste of Money"
Smarter kids may live longer study
By Amy Norton Fri Nov 11,11:56 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Smarter children may enjoy longer lives, the results of a new study suggest.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Poll: Most Americans Say Bush Not Honest
By WILL LESTER, Associated Press Writer Fri Nov 11, 6:52 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Two crucial pillars of President Bush's public support — perceptions of his honesty and faith in his ability to fight terrorism — have slipped to their lowest point in the AP-Ipsos poll.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oral tobacco not safe substitute
By Megan Rauscher Fri Nov 11,10:56 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Smokeless oral tobacco products such as moist snuff and hard snuff lozenges are not a safe alternative to cigarettes for people trying to kick the habit, as these products contain high levels of cancer-causing compounds.
They get cash to study these things? Where are my "Masturbation is fun" and "Oxygen is good" checks?
- posted by Jasper @ 7:45 PM 0 comments

 
So Far

Top 10 Bushisms

The Stupidest Things President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

6) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

5) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

4) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

3) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

2) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

1) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004
- posted by Jasper @ 7:29 PM 0 comments

 
via Slashdot: Bill Gates-"Hot water burn baby!"
Microsoft Reports OSS Unix Beats Windows XP
Posted by Zonk on Friday November 11, @01:55PM

Mortimer.CA writes "In a weblog entry, Paul Murphy mentions a Microsoft report (40 page PDF) that in many instances FreeBSD 5.3 and Linux perform better than Windows XP SP2. The report is about MS' Singularity kernel (which does perform better than the OSS kernels by many of the metrics they use), and some future directions in OS design (as well as examination of the way things have been done in the past)." From the post: "What's noteworthy about it is that Microsoft compared Singularity to FreeBSD and Linux as well as Windows/XP - and almost every result shows Windows losing to the two Unix variants. For example, they show the number of CPU cycles needed to "create and start a process" as 1,032,000 for FreeBSD, 719,000 for Linux, and 5,376,000 for Windows/XP."
Ha. Ha. Ha.
- posted by Jasper @ 7:23 PM 0 comments

 
via FARK: Headlines you just cannot believe.
Mike Tyson Accused Of Assaulting TV Cameraman
POSTED: 10:39 am EST November 10, 2005

SAO PAULO, Brazil -- Mike Tyson was questioned by police early Thursday after a television cameraman accused the former heavyweight champion of assaulting him outside a nightclub.
Tyson could face charges of assault and destruction of property, police spokeswoman Kelly Pinheiro said. A court hearing has been scheduled for Friday, but Tyson can send a representative and is not required to appear.
What's next?! Cats and dogs living together? Chevy Chase being funny again?
- posted by Jasper @ 1:35 PM 0 comments

 
via FARK: Capitalism! Hooray for BOOBIES!
Banana Joe's: Dress like a cheerleader, no cover

Tampa, Florida - Starting on Friday, Banana Joe's -- the Tampa bar now famous for the Carolina Panthers cheerleader scuffle -- will offer no cover to anyone (male or female) that shows up dressed like a cheerleader.

Professional cheerleader? You drink for free.
Why don't we add in schoolgirl and french maid, then make it an amendment to the Constitution?!
- posted by Jasper @ 11:34 AM 0 comments

 
Terror attacks spark fury in Jordan
Terror attacks spark fury in Jordan
Amman stunned by suicide bombings
Thursday, November 10, 2005
AMMAN, Jordan (CNN) -- Three terror bombings that killed at least 56 people in Jordan's capital sparked furious protests against al Qaeda on Thursday after a Web site carried a claim that the group was behind the attacks.
This is promising. If other countries don't like the US I can live with that, but it would be sweet if everyone was on the same page, anti-terrorist.
- posted by Jasper @ 11:30 AM 0 comments

 
Kirstie Alley's new reality show!
Man seeks fat people to fuel his boat
News.au.comNovember 10, 2005

An Auckland adventurer wants overweight people to have liposuction so he can turn their fat into biofuel to power his boat around the globe.
She’s going around the world, well some of her is.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:07 AM 0 comments

 
Russia still making news.
Scientist invents remote-controlled turtles
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1606750.html?menu=news.quirkies
A Russian scientist claims to have created remote controlled turtles for spying missions.

Russia offers football thugs to France
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1606734.html?menu=news.quirkies
A Russian politician has offered to send the country's violent football thugs to France to sort out the rioters.
Crazy Russians, why aren't they combining these? Waves of hooligans riding remote control turtles to rescue France from the French!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:00 AM 0 comments

 
via Slashdot: Microsoft crushes the little guy...
How Microsoft Takes a Name
Posted by CmdrTaco on Wednesday November 09, @09:01AM
from the wow-thats-just-slimey dept.

An anonymous reader writes "According to a report in the "Seattle Post-Intelligencer," the Windows Defender name was already being used by an Australian developer, Adam Lyttle. His Windows Defender product protected Windows users from malicious Web sites. Adam Lyttle told the Post-Intelligencer's Todd Bishop that Microsoft contacted him a month ago, charging him with infringing on the Windows trademark but neglecting to mention that the software giant wanted to use the "Windows Defender" name. Lyttle subsequently signed over rights to the name to Microsoft and was "shocked" when he later learned the company intended to use the name for one of its own products. "
Also, Seattlepi.com story: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/247483_msftdefender08.html
- posted by Jasper @ 9:49 AM 0 comments

 
Payback for the Pill?!
Serbs line up for testicle shocks
Ananova.com
Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.
Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.
What kind of Dr. Frankenpenis came up with this idea?
- posted by Jasper @ 5:08 AM 0 comments

 
Great Headlines, Nov 9th
Fire eater set stripper's boobs alight
Ananova.com
A fire eater has been given a suspended jail sentence for setting a stripper's boobs on fire. Dancer Maria Leeb, 27, was tied to a pole wearing just her g-string while her fire-eating partner blew flames at her.
C'mon, this could happen to anyone...
- posted by Jasper @ 5:05 AM 0 comments

 
T.O. Now stands for Time-Out!!
Eagles: Owens won't return this season

By ROB MAADDI
AP Sports Writer


PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Terrell Owens won't return to the Philadelphia Eagles this season, coach Andy Reid said Monday.

The outspoken star receiver was suspended for Sunday night's 17-10 loss at Washington, and will remain suspended for three more games. After that, the Eagles plan to deactivate Owens for the rest of the season.

"The league has been notified by the players' union that they will be grieving our right to take that action," Reid said, "therefore there is nothing more that I can say at this point."
Yahooooooooooooooooo!
- posted by Jasper @ 1:02 PM 0 comments

 
They're all out of pudding!!
DRUDGE REPORT
SUN NOV 06, 2005 19:28:02 ET
HOLLYWOOD ROCKED: 'GAY COWBOY' MOVIE BECOMES AN OSCAR FRONTRUNNERArriving with nudity and explicit gay sex scenes between two cowboys, UNIVERSAL/FOCUS FILMS's BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN has quietly become an award season frontrunner, interviews with Academy members reveal.
Anyone see the South Park when the independant film festival came to town? Cartman thought all the films would be "gay cowboys eating pudding". And it turns out he was right!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:03 AM 0 comments

 
It wasn't like that when I was there!
Sex at School Increasing, Some Educators Say

By Tara Bahrampour and Ian Shapira
Washington Post Staff Writers
Sunday, November 6, 2005; C01

Perhaps the most shocking thing about students having sex in a high school auditorium was that other students didn't find it very shocking at all.

"I glanced over and, whatever, I just let him continue on with his business," said a 16-year-old linebacker on the Osbourn High School football team who, along with a friend, stumbled upon a couple engaging in oral sex. "I stayed for five to eight minutes, just talking. We weren't worried about it. When the janitor came in, everyone started running."
Maybe it's time to think about furthering my education...

- posted by Jasper @ 10:47 AM 0 comments

 
Sanity descends on the NFL!!

Eagles suspend WR Owens for detrimental conduct

November 5, 2005

PHILADELPHIA (Ticker) - Terrell Owens' apology was not enough.

The Philadelphia Eagles announced on Saturday that Owens has been suspended for conduct detrimental to the team.

Perhaps the NFL's best wide receiver, Owens has been a major headache off the field for the Eagles.
It's too bad that more coaches/owners don't follow the Gruden vs. Keyshaw Johnson method. Talent shouldn't override teams. Now what can we do to Shockey?
- posted by Jasper @ 1:48 PM 0 comments

 
What a coincidence, we were just talking about this.
Cheney Pushes Senate for CIA Exemption

By DAVID ESPO and LIZ SIDOTI, Associated Press Writers 12 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - Vice President
Dick Cheney made an unusual personal appeal to Republican senators this week to allow
CIA exemptions to a proposed ban on the torture of terror suspects in U.S. custody...

Cheney told his audience the United States doesn't engage in torture, these participants added, even though he said the administration needed an exemption from any legislation banning "cruel, inhuman or degrading" treatment in case the president decided one was necessary to prevent a terrorist attack....
Conspiracy Nation will have a field day with this. But seriously, Cheney wants to OK torture if it's deemed necessary?! Anyone else have a problem with this?
- posted by Jasper @ 8:23 PM 0 comments

 
via FARK: Another Bush crony in trouble?
New Wilkerson quote: docs trace prisoner torture to Cheney!
by Loudocracy
Fri Nov 04, 2005 at 11:06:08 AM PDT

Dan Froomkin's got the scoop. Apparently Lawrence Wilkerson was on NPR yesterday and was talking about the abuse of prisoners by US soldiers. He says that there may be documentation tracing the torture policies to Cheney himself. Froomkin says that no other media outlets are pushing the story. This could be big. We've got to help push this into the media ciculation.
Pretty iffy at this point, but I do think we're in the midst of the most corrupt administration since Tricky Dick Nixon.
- posted by Jasper @ 8:16 PM 0 comments

 
via FARK: T.O.--"I'm what's wrong with pro sports"

The Eagles are a so-so football team right now....

In case you missed it, Terrell did an interview that was aired on Thursday in which he agreed with an assessment from Michael Irvin that the Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre was their quarterback.

To review:
1. ESPN commentator Michael Irvin tells Dan Patrick in a radio interview that the Eagles would be undefeated with Favre.
2. In an interview with an ESPN.com employee, Owens agrees with that assessment, tacking it onto his complaint that the team did not appropriately commemorate his 100th touchdown catch.
Yes, he has a mountain of talent. His Super Bowl performance was great. Unfortunatley his talent is dwarfed by his ego.

- posted by Jasper @ 8:05 PM 0 comments

 
NFL's Top 10 Most Disappointing Players
Other than the Burger King commercial, where the King's head is superimposed on Deion's body as he gets a pick and runs it in for a touchdown, Sanders has done nothing for the Ravens this year. The 38-year-old cornerback no longer strikes fear into the hearts of opposing quarterbacks.
- posted by Jasper @ 7:57 PM 0 comments

 
Slashdot:Microsoft Plans Deliberate Xbox 360 Shortage
Games: Microsoft Plans Deliberate Xbox 360 Shortage
Posted by samzenpus on Thursday November 03, @08:07AM

An anonymous reader writes "To ensure an immediate "sellout" of the Xbox 360 on launch day (therefore getting lots of media buzz about their new console), Microsoft will simply restrict the supply down to a trickle. My favorite part of the article: "In addition to limiting the per-store stock of consoles and having the retailers prepare to prominently note the unit's "sold out" status, Microsoft has allegedly asked Norwegian retailers to sign an agreement that they'll sell out of the consoles on the launch date."
File under: Reasons to hate Bill Gates # 4,258,669
- posted by Jasper @ 5:21 AM 0 comments

 
George Bush classifies glue as WMD
Civil Suit Goes To Court: A Scorned Lover, Glue And A Naked Man
POSTED: 5:43 pm EST November 2, 2005

WESTMORELAND COUNTY, Pa. -- Gail O'Toole was convicted of simple assault and sentenced to six months probation for acts she committed against her ex-lover.

On Wednesday, the civil suit went to court, where O'Toole's ex-boyfriend claimed her "outrageous" and "inhumane" acts are worth thousands in damages. Slaby said O'Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together.

Then came the nail polish. Slaby claimed O'Toole dumped it all over his head.

When he woke up, Slaby said O'Toole threw him out.

He didn't have a car, so he was forced to walk one mile down Route 22 to call 911 and Murrysville police, Slaby said.
I guess there’s a silver lining to being single, I don’t have to worry about glue wielding women.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:11 AM 0 comments

 
Hopefully this disappears before someone demands a Senate investigation
Clarence Thomas not a real black?
Paper arguing for court 'diversity'wants asterisk by his name
Posted: November 1, 20052:39 p.m. Eastern
?! I guess they're saying he doesn't represent the beliefs/concerns of black people. If we're going to start crap like this, can we get an asterisk by George Bush's name? What a bunch of garbage that serves no function...
- posted by Jasper @ 5:20 AM 0 comments

 
CIA holds terror suspects in secret prisons

CIA holds terror suspects in secret prisons

Debate grows within agency about legality, morality of approach
By Dana Priest
Updated: 7:57 a.m. ET Nov. 2, 2005The CIA has been hiding and interrogating some of its most important al Qaeda captives at a Soviet-era compound in Eastern Europe, according to U.S. and foreign officials familiar with the arrangement.

I suppose they need to have some covert options for terrorists, but after reading some stories about the gov't shipping prisoners to countries where torture is ok this makes me wonder.

- posted by Jasper @ 5:17 AM 0 comments

 
Dear Bill Gates, you suck. Sincerely, US Supreme Court
Supreme Court Rejects Microsoft Appeal in Eolas Case

Software giant had asked for different accounting of how damages would be determined.
Robert McMillan, IDG News Service
Monday, October 31, 2005
The U.S. Supreme Court has decided not to hear a Microsoft appeal in the software company's ongoing Web browsing patent dispute with the University of California and Eolas Technologies.Has Microsoft done some good things? Sure. Have they crushed competitors and stifled creativity using questionable tactics? Everyone seems to know the answer, maybe even the Supreme Court.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:12 AM 0 comments

 
Georgie does it again....

Bush outlines $7.1 billion flu pandemic strategy

Program calls for increased bird immigration paperwork, psychics to protect wealthy Americans
The Associated Press
Updated: 11:24 a.m. ET Nov. 1, 2005

WASHINGTON - President Bush outlined a $7.1 billion strategy Tuesday to prepare for the danger of a pandemic influenza outbreak, saying he wanted to “make sure these filthy birds and their WMD’s aren’t able to threaten the upper class US citizens or minorities in my administration”.
The president also said the United States must approve greater powers of surveillance as well as search and seizure to its agents in an effort to combat the increasing numbers of birds that are crossing our borders, in most cases filling out little or no paperwork.
Bush said no one knows when or where a deadly strain of flu will strike but “at some point we are likely to face another bird related emergency. I mean…have you ever seen a pelican up close? Their mouths are huge; it’s obvious they want to destroy our way of life---Have you ever seen a pelican in church for gosh sake?”
The president, in a speech at the National Institutes of Health, said the United States must be prepared to detect outbreaks anywhere in the world, and he is currently trying to hire renowned psychic Miss Cleo to help him pinpoint future outbreaks before they happen.

- posted by Jasper @ 8:38 AM 0 comments

 
Big F'ing Deal
Curtis Says She's Passing on Acting Work
Oct 31, 3:29 PM EST
The Associated Press
BURBANK, Calif. -- In an interview with "Access Hollywood," Jamie Lee Curtis reveals that she "doesn't accept acting work anymore."
Oh no, what a tragedy! What's next, will Scott Baio retire?
- posted by Jasper @ 7:41 AM 0 comments

 
Yippe Ki-ay...ahh! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Bruce Willis does his part for troops

Actor tried to join military, but told he was too old
Posted: November 1, 20051:00 a.m. Eastern

Apparently someone's watched too many of his own movies.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:35 AM 0 comments

 
Another virus immigrates to us, seeks citizenship

Texas Probes 15 Cases for Dengue Fever

The Associated Press
BROWNSVILLE, Texas - Health officials are investigating 15 cases in Brownsville for dengue fever, one of which they believe was contracted from a mosquito in the United States.

All worried about the H5 Bird Flu? Don't let Dengue, also know as breakbone fever, sneak up on you.

- posted by Jasper @ 5:28 AM 0 comments

 
Seal-singer, songwriter, nose biter?
www.Fark.com: As if impregnating Heidi Klum wasn't enough, Seal bites off woman's nose

Seal bites off woman's nose
Mon Oct 31,12:18 PM ET
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A seal bit off a South African woman's nose after she tried to help it back into the sea, an official said Monday.
Sad story but a great "headline" from Fark.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:25 AM 0 comments