Freak ...Hasselhoff: Like PB&J

Freak accident sends Hasselhoff to surgery

LONDON, England (AP) -- Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in an accident in a London gym bathroom, his spokeswoman said Friday. The 53-year-old actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon on the TV beach drama for 11 years, was shaving at a gym in the Sanderson Hotel on Thursday when he hit his head on a chandelier, showering his arm with broken glass, his publicist, Judy Katz, said.

Just too funny, make up your own "how this happened"....what was he shaving? Was he alone, or was George Michael around?

- posted by Jasper @ 4:41 PM 0 comments

 
via Fark: Geek + Spare Time = Trouble
'Blue Pill' Prototype Creates 100% Undetectable Malware
By Ryan Naraine
June 28, 2006

A security researcher with expertise in rootkits has built a working prototype of new technology that is capable of creating malware that remains "100 percent undetectable," even on Windows Vista x64 systems.

If Bush didn't think a rootkit had to do with gardening, he'd probably declare this a WMD and launch an attack.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:31 AM 0 comments

 
Hell no....
Updated: June 27, 2006
Celtics may deal for Telfair, or seek Answer later
By Andy Katz ESPN.com

The Boston Celtics are sleeping on one trade while they ponder the potential of a blockbuster deal later this summer involving Philadelphia's Allen Iverson, multiple sources said Tuesday night. The Celtics have a deal where they can land Portland point guard Sebastian Telfair for the No. 7 pick and injured point guard Dan Dickau. The Celtics need to make this trade by 2 p.m. ET Wednesday to have the picks swapped before the draft. But the Celtics may want to wait to see which player falls to them at No. 7 -- like Washington's Brandon Roy or Gonzaga's Adam Morrison -- before making the trade Wednesday night.


Iverson?! I mean c'mon, yes he can play...but he's had trouble with every damn coach he's had. Did you hear Iverson and Webber skipped fan appreciation night? Great guys, real team players. They're exactly what's wrong with the NBA nowadays, me-me-me/offense first/I better get my respect ($$$) b1tches.
They're also talking about Telfair (straight to NBA 21 year old that hasn't fulfilled potential, suspended for bringing a gun on team plane--no charges filed.) Or Morrison? J-Christ on a crutch how many times will guys like this get overblown and drafted too high? Yeah, Celts--where's Michael Smith now?
- posted by Jasper @ 6:12 AM 0 comments

 
Boston continues tradition-trade new talent for nothing.
Thornton, Lidstrom, Ovechkin win at NHL awards
Associated Press
VANCOUVER, British Columbia -- Joe Thornton edged out Jaromir Jagr again. Thornton, who beat out Jagr for the scoring title by two points, took the Hart Trophy as the NHL's MVP on Thursday with Jagr again relegated to runner-up.

“I just felt real comfortable," said Thornton, who appeared to be over any hard feelings towards Boston for trading him away. "I'm just in a new place playing the same game I always played. I wish the Bruins all the best," he said.

Personally, I think this is worse than the Celts trading Chauncey Billups to Detroit and watching him become the MVP of the Finals and an All-Star.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:57 AM 0 comments

 
via Slashdot: The return of Bender
New episodes of Futurama coming to Comedy Central ... for real!
Posted Jun 22nd 2006 2:44PM by Joel Keller

We've reported on every single little rumor that's come out about Futurama's return. We've asked Billy West...finally.... we have some confirmation that Futurama is indeed coming back. When Katey Sagal visited The Late Late Show the other day, she told Craig that the show is coming back to Comedy Central in 2008 for at least 13 episodes...

The world definitley needs more of Bender to combat the pc thugs and FCC fascists.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:42 AM 0 comments

 
Bad headline
Depp: I'd do more "Pirates"
POSTED ON 06/21/06 AT 1:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES

Arrr, the cabin boy is still sore from the last time.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:30 AM 0 comments

 
Pop rocks and Coke for the Millenium
Net users gush over trick
Brian Williams
June 15, 2006
THE internet has spawned another weird craze – people putting Mentos lollies into bottles of Diet Coke to produce a soda geyser. Hundreds of videos have been downloaded on to websites showing people shooting soda geysers about 2m high.

Great, how long before Bush declares this a WMD and declares martial law?
- posted by Jasper @ 6:05 AM 0 comments

 
Doesn't The Godfather need a remake too?!
Boaz Yakin to write new "Conan the Barbarian" movie
POSTED ON 06/15/06 AT 2:00 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES
Variety reports Warner Bros. has commissioned Boaz Yakin ("Remember the Titans") to write and possibly direct "Conan the Barbarian." Yakin is a fan of the series and developed his own pitch to the studio. The project is described as a new take on the character created by Robert E. Howard and will be more faithful to the concept than the Arnold Schwarzenegger films in the 1980s.

Hollywood out of ideas, creatively bankrupt and teeming with idiots. I hear they're thinking of remaking the 40 Year Old Virgin in 2007. They're all concerned about piracy stealing their profits, but aren't they just pirating themselves here? Here's a prediction....profits will continue to fall as you beat dead horses.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:11 AM 0 comments

 
Colorado courts are spineless
Girls Can Marry at 15, Colo. Court Finds
Jun 15 2:05 PM US/Eastern

By JON SARCHE
Associated Press Writer
DENVER-A 15-year-old girl can enter into a common-law marriage in Colorado, and younger girls and boys possibly can, too, a state appeals court ruled Thursday. While the three-judge panel stopped short of setting a specific minimum age for such marriages, it said they could be legal for girls at 12 and boys at 14 under English common law, which Colorado recognizes.

Why not just make the state motto "Welcome Pedophiles!"? Apparently since "there was no clear legislative or statutory guidance on common-law marriages, and that Colorado courts have not determined an age of consent" they've chickened out on making a decision in the best interests of people and fallen back on English common law. I guess after the "don't ask, don't tell" non-decision farce it's no suprise.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:51 AM 0 comments

 
New iPod idea is crap

Ultimate iPod accessory?
www.ananova.com
A US firm has invented a new iPod accessory which combines the portable music player with a toilet roll holder. Manufacturers say the iCarta is designed to "enhance your experience in the smallest room", reports the Daily Mail.

We're becoming an nation of idiots. Next up: Shower iPod, Casket iPod, MRI iPod...

- posted by Jasper @ 6:17 AM 0 comments

 
via Fark: Our President is not all there
President Bush To Legally Blind Reporter: ‘Are You Going to Ask That Question with Shades On?’
At a press conference this morning, President Bush needled Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten after he stood up to ask a question wearing sunglasses. “Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” Bush said, telling Wallsten, “I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.”
But as Wonkette first noted, and which ThinkProgress subsquently confirmed, Wallsten is legally blind.

Sometimes it's like he looks for ways to embarass himself.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:13 AM 0 comments

 
via Fark: Knight Rider
David Hasselhoff: Is there anything he can't do?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Face it, Hasselhoff, 53, is that rare breed of man who succeeds, despite being pretty cheesy.

????????????????? 7 platinum albums! Maybe the world did end on 6/6/06 and we're in hell.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:55 AM 0 comments

 
Glavin!!! Start up the cadaver derby
Jerry Lewis Suffers 'Mild' Heart Attack
Jun 13 LAS VEGAS
Comedian Jerry Lewis postponed a July engagement to perform live after suffering a heart attack Sunday that a casino spokeswoman described as "mild."
"At present, he is under hospital care and is expected to make a full recovery," said Candi Cazau, spokeswoman for the Orleans hotel-casino in Las Vegas, where Lewis was to perform July 13-16.
Lewis, 80, is also suffering from "a touch of pneumonia," Cazau said in a statement.

Ow, ow, oh, Sir Isaac's legs are hur-ting! I never really was a fan, but they love him in France. Funny how that's an insult now.
- posted by Jasper @ 5:41 AM 0 comments

 
Don Ho + Joseph Stalin = Hit record
Surf's up for Stalin
An album of Stalin-era prison songs mixed with Hawaiian-style surf music is proving an unlikely hit in eastern Europe.

I guess it's better than Stalin and disco, Stalin-Alive. Good idea for a present, and what a coincidence--it's almost Father's Day!
- posted by Jasper @ 5:36 AM 0 comments

 
Another horrible dog attack...
Beaten with dead chihuahua
June 9, 2006
A Missouri woman has been arrested for breaking into a dog breeder's home and beating her repeatedly over the head with a dead Chihuahua, local media reported.

Where do you go with news like this? Some kind of "Drop the Chalupa" joke? My first thought was that if you're going to attack someone with a dog, at least use a heftier one. That's like beating someone with a sock full of Kaptain Krunch. If a Chihuahua is all you have, at least freeze it first. Amateurs.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:26 AM 0 comments

 
Massage on company time
More workers get massage and yoga on company time
Fri Jun 9, 2006 8:52am ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - One U.S. West Coast marketing agency encourages employees to stop work and duck out for massages, while at one New York hedge fund, workers break during the day for yoga classes.

So are Happy Endings reimbursable?
- posted by Jasper @ 6:13 AM 0 comments

 
Someone 'Kevorkian' Hollywood
"Alien vs. Predator 2" gets directors
IGN FilmForce (http://filmforce.ign.com) reports that special effects masters Greg and Colin Strause are in the running to direct "Alien vs. Predator 2" for 20th Century Fox.

Pull the plug, Hollywood is obviously brain dead. What's next, Howard the Duck 2?
- posted by Jasper @ 6:10 AM 0 comments

 
UK creating batman army!
Special forces to use strap-on 'Batwings'
By MATTHEW HICKLEY, Daily Mail

Elite special forces troops being dropped behind enemy lines on covert missions are to ditch their traditional parachutes in favour of strap-on stealth wings. The lightweight carbon fibre mono-wings will allow them to jump from high altitudes and then glide 120 miles or more before landing - making them almost impossible to spot, as their aircraft can avoid flying anywhere near the target.

I suggest we get to work immediately on an army of Jokers, we don't want to fall behind in the cartoon hero race. Besides, I love the thought of thousands of Jokers running amok.
- posted by Jasper @ 7:46 AM 0 comments

 
via Cinema Confidential-Hollywood is brain dead
Kevin Bacon instills "Death Sentence"
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Kevin Bacon will join James Wan's "Death Sentence" for 20th Century Fox....the movie will tell of a father who goes out for revenge after his family is killed as part of a gang-initiation crime.

Zhang Ziyi in "Seven Samurai" remake?
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Zhang Ziyi will star in a remake of Akira Kurosawa's "The Seven Samurai" for The Weinstein Company.

So Kevin Bacon is basically making Death Wish 2006, and we can see a third version of Seven Samurai soon. What the hell is wrong with these people? They'll remake a movie or bankroll another crappy Rob Schneider one-joke movie but can't do anything original? No wonder people don't go the movies. $10 for a ticket, the same for snacks, and after sitting throught 15 minutes of commercials you get a garbage sequel/remake or some idiotic, watered down to get a PG-13 rating piece of shit. Some studio is going to wake up sooner or later and start making movies again, I just wish I knew when.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:58 AM 0 comments

 
You know why they call him the Big Aristotle?
Because Aristotle couldn't hit free throws either.

For the NBA Finals, I’d lean towards Dallas but I have to admit I haven’t watched them much so I wouldn’t put $ on it.

Basically I think they’re more seasoned and a better shooting team. Also now that the refs have been calling Shaq’s brute force moves more closely, he’s had to try and play a “skill” game—not his strength, and if he hasn’t learned it after all these years it’s a little late.

Nowitzki averaged more points and more rebounds than Shaq this year. It was actually the big schmoe’s worst scoring and rebounding year in his career and his second worst FT % at .469. Ok, so maybe there’s some wear and tear that brings down his ppg/rpg, but no one’s FT % should ever drop.
He just doesn’t have the work ethic to develop his skills.

If he ever had a serious injury nothing I've seen has shown he has the will to work his way back. If he can't work hard enough to hit free throws, you think he'll work through the pain of rehab? Forget those Icy/Hot commercials, he’d just Kemp it.

Dallas has averaged more points and rebounds in the playoffs and has 5 players averaging double digit scores. Miami has three. If Miami has any hope it’s more in Wade’s hands that in Kazaam’s.
- posted by Jasper @ 8:08 AM 1 comments

 
Lady Macca's "Adult" movie past
LADY Heather McCartney posed in depraved pornographic clinches which are bound to sicken her estranged husband Sir Paul and his army of fans. The ex-model was snapped in a string of lurid scenes for a hard core German book. Many of the images are too explicit to print in a family newspaper.

One shot shows Heather naked and smothered in baby oil as she performs a sex act on a nude male porn star. The curly-haired man is then photographed performing an act on her with the help of a sex toy.

Well, she's still a lot better catch than Yoko Ono.
- posted by Jasper @ 6:19 AM 0 comments

 
Hollywood is a town of idiots

So when will they decide to remake Jaws? I can see it now: RobSchneider as Hooper, David Spade as Chief Brody, and…….Will Ferrell asQuint.

The end of Western Civilization as we know it.

Rob Zombie to direct new "Halloween" film

POSTED ON 06/05/06 AT 10:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMESThe Hollywood Reporter reports that Rob Zombie has been brought in tohelm a new "Halloween" film that will kickstart a whole new vision forthe franchise and will neither be linked as a sequel to the otherfilms, nor will it be a remake of the 1978 original by John Carpenter.

Sean Bean is "The Hitcher"

POSTED ON 06/01/06 AT 3:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMESThe Hollywood Reporter reports that Sean Bean ("The Lord of theRings") will be joining "The Hitcher," a remake of the 1986 horrorfilm. Sophia Bush (TV's "One Tree Hill") is already on board.

- posted by Jasper @ 6:14 AM 0 comments