Lunatic Swine

Just some random funny pics, SFW.--via Fark.

2006-11-11T21:20:00.001-08:00

Believe it...or not

2006-11-11T21:06:00.000-08:00

Oscar winner Jack Palance dead at 87
POSTED: 10:04 a.m. EST, November 11, 2006
LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Actor Jack Palance, who won an Oscar with his comedic self-parody in 1991's "City Slickers," died Friday.

Sad, yes but there are some interesting facts in this story I didn't know about the guy. And some good quotes:
"Most of the stuff I do is garbage," he once told a reporter, adding that most of the directors he worked with were incompetent, too. "Most of them shouldn't even be directing traffic," he said.
He was a professional heavyweight boxer in the early 1940s.
Palance was wounded in World War II and received a Purple Heart.
His acting break came after the war as Marlon Brando's understudy in "Streetcar Named Desire."

LOST fan?

2006-11-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

All episodes viewable online, including seaseon 3. For some reason there's one missing in season 1, but still nice if you're a fan. Oh, and there are some other shows there too...
24, Arrested Development, Band Of Brothers, Battlestar Galactica , Celebrity Deathmatch, Chapelle's Show, Desperate Housewives , Heroes, Jackass, Lost In Space, Mind Of Mencia, My Name Is Earl, Nip/Tuc, Oz, Prison Break, Roswell, Scrubs, Seinfeld, The Black Adder, The Office, The Tick, Trailerpark Boys, Vanished, X-Files...etc.

Breast enhancement gum. Yes, gum.

2006-08-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Breast enhancement - naturally

A JAPANESE company claims to have developed a 100 per cent natural chewing gum able to increase the size, shape and firmness of women's breasts naturally.

The main ingredient, a wild plant called pueraria mirifica, grows in Thailand and contains a number of natural compounds, called phytoestrogens, which mimic the effects of the female hormone oestrogen. Tests carried out by Thailand's Chulalongkorn University found pueraria mirifica was able to enhance breast size by 80 per cent, and further tests carried out in England found that the plant also had a beneficial effect on the skin and hair, as reported by the BBC, medical journals and other news outlets.....
So the race is off.....product name suggestions anyone?

So far I like: Milk Scuds, Puppy Chow, Knockerlicious, Bazookas, Chicktits...

Send and email or voicemail from Samuel Jackson!

2006-08-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Snakes on a plane sounds like a terrible idea for a movie, but it might just turn out to be so bad that people see it. Anyway, being able to send a message to someone from Samuel Jackson is just too cool.

All hail the FSM!!!

2006-08-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

I’m really thinking this may be worth looking into….

-Pastafarian heaven includes at least one "beer volcano" and one stripper factory.
-According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are "absolute divine beings" and the original Pastafarians.
-The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" are the Pastafarian equivalent of the Ten Commandments. They originate from the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. According to Pastafarianism, they were given to Pirate Mosey, the FSM equivalent of Moses, by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself. There were originally ten, but two were dropped "on the way down the mountain". The lack of the two last I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts supposedly partly accounts for Pastafarians' self-proclaimed flimsy moral standards.

Want to see how stupid people and religion should never be combined? Read the FSM creator’s hate mail with the 'All hail the FSM!!!" link.

I’d hope that at least some of that is a joke, but then again there are a lot of idiots out there.
Some choice bits:
"...the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible."

"Technology, hell we'd be better of without it anyways. I hope to someday prove Darwinian philosophy and be able to have my dog recite Shakespeare to me. Then I will believe Evolution is true. Until then....its all a big damn joke. Charles Darwin went insane when he was 28 anyways (didn't know that did you?) Let me put it this way to you concerning your bologna flying spaghetti monster. If we are created in the image of what you believe God to be, we would look like spaghetti. Common sense is a valuable asset"
I really enjoy reading an ignorant fundamentalist try to reason that there is evidence of Intelligent Design but none for evolution. Even the Vatican has come out against teaching religion in schools, besides which it doesn't discount the possibility of evolution.

From http://www.catholic.com/library/Adam_Eve_and_Evolution.asp

Concerning biological evolution, the Church does not have an official position on whether various life forms developed over the course of time. However, it says that, if they did develop, then they did so under the impetus and guidance of God, and their ultimate creation must be ascribed to him. Concerning human evolution, the Church has a more definite teaching. It allows for the possibility that man’s body developed from previous biological forms, under God’s guidance, but it insists on the special creation of his soul. Pope Pius XII declared that "the teaching authority of the Church does not forbid that, in conformity with the present state of human sciences and sacred theology, research and discussions . . . take place with regard to the doctrine of evolution, in as far as it inquires into the origin of the human body as coming from pre-existent and living matter—[but] the Catholic faith obliges us to hold that souls are immediately created by God" (Pius XII, Humani Generis 36). So whether the human body was specially created or developed, we are required to hold as a matter of Catholic faith that the human soul is specially created; it did not evolve, and it is not inherited from our parents, as our bodies are.

via Fark: Scientology strikes again

2006-07-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

Clearwater man at odds with Church of Scientology

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A man who is making a documentary about the Church of Scientology in Clearwater says he's being targeted.Shawn Lonsdale of Clearwater got into a fight with someone claiming to be a Scientologist while he was filming on a street corner across from the church on July 8. After looking at Lonsdale's videotape, police arrested the Scientologist, Michael Fitzgerald, on battery charges Now, posters with a mugshot of Lonsdale are popping up in store windows near the church warning people that he's dangerous and has been arrested for sex crimes.

Not only a cult, but a vindictive one. In Germany they are not even recognized as a religion--it's a business.

I should be a damn genius.....

2006-07-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Lack of sleep saps men's brain power
11:00 23 July 2006
New Scientist

IF YOU have ever thought you were stupid to sleep with someone, consider this. Sharing your bed could actually make you stupid if you are a man - at least temporarily. Even without having sex, bed sharing disturbs sleep quality, say Gerhard Kloesch and colleagues from the University of Vienna, Austria. Men and women fared differently. ......Lack of sleep led to increased stress hormone levels in men, and reduced their ability to perform simple cognitive tests the next day.
However, the women apparently slept more deeply when they did sleep, since they claimed to be more refreshed than their sleep time suggested. Their stress levels and mental scores did not suffer to the same extent.
How unfair...I have to do the time and don't even get to commit the crime.

Sounds like a dirty joke but it isn't

2006-07-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

Man robs fudge shop wearing women’s underwear as mask
July 22, 2006
PRAIRIE VILLAGE, Kan. – A man is caught on video robbing a local store using women’s underwear as a mask.
What the hell is wrong with people? Insert we're not in Kansas anymore joke here.

Football season is almost here!

2006-07-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I like baseball and college basketball (the NBA is a sinking morass of overpaid "stars" and players with ironbound-team-handicapping contracts) but the NFL is my favorite. Yeah, there are plenty of overhyped players(Mannings, T.O., etc) but it's the best run league by far.

One thing I don't understand, why is Peyton "Heimlich" Manning such a bid deal? Great numbers in the regular season-with a strong team-but when it hits the fan what is he worth?
(2000 - 2005)
Peyton Manning 3-5
Tom Brady 10-1

And don't even get me started on his brother or his stupid commercials. Yes, Peyton has great skills but shut up until you put it up.

Government tries to regulate free speech, fire teacher

2006-07-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

Teacher under fire for his Cheney-9/11 theory

State legislators demand college bar him from teaching Islam course Friday, July 21, 2006; Posted: 2:29 p.m. EDT (18:29 GMT)
MADISON, Wisconsin (AP) -- More than 60 state lawmakers are urging the University of Wisconsin-Madison to fire an instructor who has argued that the U.S. government orchestrated the September 11 terrorist attacks.

It's not that I agree with the guy, but why are "52 Assembly representatives and nine state senators" telling this guy that he can't speak his mind? The government is supposed to defend the First Amendment. Empty headed patriotism like this is a small step from fascism. Maybe people are upset because he's a teacher? That just makes it more important. Are educators only allowed to speak positively of the government? Yes, comrades!? STFU. Go to college, hear different viewpoints, form your own opinion--that's an education.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it". Evelyn Beatrice Hall writing as S.G. Tallentyre in 1906 (Commonly attributed to Voltaire of whom Hall wrote a biography).
"...if any opinion is compelled to silence, that opinion may, for aught we can certainly know, be true. To deny this is to assume our own infallibility." John Stuart Mill, On Liberty (1859).
"If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." - George Orwell, Preface to Animal Farm (1946)
"Goebbels was in favor of free speech for views he liked. So was Stalin. If you're in favor of free speech, then you're in favor of freedom of speech precisely for views you despise. Otherwise, you're not in favor of free speech." Noam Chomsky, Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media (1992).

Thanks to Wikipedia for the quotations.

No....he can't follow Nicholson!

2006-07-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Heath Ledger cast as Joker in "Batman 2"?
POSTED ON 07/20/06 AT 4:00 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES
Latino Review (http://www.latinoreview.com/) is claiming that Heath Ledger has been cast as the Joker in the "Batman Begins" sequel and an announcement from Warner Bros. is expected shortly.
The site, who broke news of Brandon Routh's casting in "Superman Returns," says that plans are in place for the "Brokeback Mountain" star to join Christian Bale and director Chris Nolan for the next Batman movie.
I don't care about the Brokeback Mountain thing, I just don't see this guy as the Joker--and there is no way in hell he can follow Nicholson. But Brokeback Joker does sound funny...

via FARK: Finally, a good fatwa

2006-07-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Saudi fatwa: Don’t support Hizbullah
ynet news
Leading Wahhabi cleric in Saudi Arabia issues scathing fatwa against Hizbullah, declares it against Muslim Sharia law to support, join, or even pray for terror group; 'our advice to Sunnis is to denounce them, shun those who join them to show their hostility to Islam, to Muslims,' he rules.
Although the fanatics of Islam are a minority, the peaceful majority rarely speak up to denounce their violent actions. At least I rarely hear of it. Usually it's someone declaring a fatwa against Salman Rusdie, some cartoonist, Mr. Peanut, or something suprising. So two thumbs up for this guy, I don't care if he's anti or pro U.S. as long as he's anti-terrorist and steps up to the podium.

The Vader Sessions

2006-07-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

Some guys with too much time and a great sense of humor have taken Vader clips and put in dialogue from other James Earl Jones movies, great stuff.

Via Fark: Best. Bad. Trip. Ever.

2006-07-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

'Bridge Troll' Arrested After Confrontation With Deputy
Bridge Trolls For Thee
POSTED: 10:09 am MDT July 13, 2006
BOULDER, Colo. -- A man who acted as a modern-day bridge troll faces charges in Boulder after he and his companion allegedly got into a confrontation with an off-duty sheriff's deputy.

According to a police report obtained by 7NEWS, Robert Hibbs, 19, was arrested Friday in a park near Foothills Highway and Colorado Avenue after demanding money and attacking the deputy. Police said that Hibbs insisted he was a troll and owned the bridge the deputy was trying to cross.....Boville, who was with Hibbs, reportedly told police that they had consumed LSD and that Hibbs was having a bad trip.
Well the Middle East is about to burst into WWIII and our pres could get lost in a port-a-potty, but at least we're safe from bridge trolls. A little humor before the Apocalypse.

FCC, a.k.a. Puritan Gestapo, back in action.

2006-07-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

FCC combing air tapes for dirty words
Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:32 AM ET
By Brooks Boliek

WASHINGTON (Hollywood Reporter) - In its continuing crackdown on on-air profanity, the FCC has requested numerous tapes from broadcasters that might include vulgar remarks from unruly spectators, coaches and athletes at live sporting events, industry sources said.

Yes, the pc fascists will now be looking for unruly fans at sporting events. Is anyone else in the U.S. embarassed at what these fucking idiots are doing to the media? Next up, book burning and death for nakedness. Showering without clothes is for infidels! She said 'poo', burn her at the stake. The dictionary has 'penis' and 'vagina' in it, let's fine the English speaking world--or at least all the libraries with a dictionary. I mean anyone with a library card could go in there and see the dictionary, even kids can look up words!! We can't live in a society like this or in ten years the movie Planet of the Apes will come true. We'll all be slaves to the gorillas because they don't swear or make movies showing boobies. Yeah, I know, makes about as much sense as the FCC...

Anyone miss Calvin & Hobbes?

2006-07-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

The title link has a strip each day, but the following two links are pretty useful.

The text of each strip and a reference # for each. Just search the page for say, "space alien I captured in my back yard",
http://www.geocities.com/root_node/calvin.html

Once you get the #, hit the following site and you find the strip. Or just browse here for fun.
http://www.shovelbeating.org/~ryan/calvin-and-hobbes/

Hollywood staffed via the short bus

2006-07-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

Raven Symone in remake of "Adventures in Babysitting"
POSTED ON 07/12/06 AT 5:30 P.M.

Why oh why? Next up: Showgirls, Ishtar, Howard the Duck, The Postman (but bring back Costner!), Pluto Nash, From Justin to Kelly, Glitter, Son of the Mask, Leonard Part 6, and of course....Gigli.

Postons---Worst agents ever?

2006-07-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

"Law told The Kansas City Star on Tuesday that he wanted fair-market value and that it was possible he might not sign before the start of training camp."

Fine, but I'm not too sure he knows what fair-market value is? (Blame the Postons, worst agents ever.) It's not about his play; he was great with the Patriots and then had a career high 10 interceptions with the Jets. Unfortunately for Law it looks like salary sanity has descended on the NFL (unlike every other professional sport).

Hey Carl Poston, detect a pattern?

2005 Law was released Patriots due to his $12,551,000 salary.

2006 Released by the Jets-- due to make $7.6 million for 2006

Freak ...Hasselhoff: Like PB&J

2006-06-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Freak accident sends Hasselhoff to surgery

LONDON, England (AP) -- Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in an accident in a London gym bathroom, his spokeswoman said Friday. The 53-year-old actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon on the TV beach drama for 11 years, was shaving at a gym in the Sanderson Hotel on Thursday when he hit his head on a chandelier, showering his arm with broken glass, his publicist, Judy Katz, said.

Just too funny, make up your own "how this happened"....what was he shaving? Was he alone, or was George Michael around?

via Fark: Geek + Spare Time = Trouble

2006-06-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

'Blue Pill' Prototype Creates 100% Undetectable Malware
By Ryan Naraine
June 28, 2006

A security researcher with expertise in rootkits has built a working prototype of new technology that is capable of creating malware that remains "100 percent undetectable," even on Windows Vista x64 systems.

If Bush didn't think a rootkit had to do with gardening, he'd probably declare this a WMD and launch an attack.

Hell no....

2006-06-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

Updated: June 27, 2006
Celtics may deal for Telfair, or seek Answer later
By Andy Katz ESPN.com

The Boston Celtics are sleeping on one trade while they ponder the potential of a blockbuster deal later this summer involving Philadelphia's Allen Iverson, multiple sources said Tuesday night. The Celtics have a deal where they can land Portland point guard Sebastian Telfair for the No. 7 pick and injured point guard Dan Dickau. The Celtics need to make this trade by 2 p.m. ET Wednesday to have the picks swapped before the draft. But the Celtics may want to wait to see which player falls to them at No. 7 -- like Washington's Brandon Roy or Gonzaga's Adam Morrison -- before making the trade Wednesday night.

Iverson?! I mean c'mon, yes he can play...but he's had trouble with every damn coach he's had. Did you hear Iverson and Webber skipped fan appreciation night? Great guys, real team players. They're exactly what's wrong with the NBA nowadays, me-me-me/offense first/I better get my respect ($$$) b1tches.
They're also talking about Telfair (straight to NBA 21 year old that hasn't fulfilled potential, suspended for bringing a gun on team plane--no charges filed.) Or Morrison? J-Christ on a crutch how many times will guys like this get overblown and drafted too high? Yeah, Celts--where's Michael Smith now?

Boston continues tradition-trade new talent for nothing.

2006-06-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

Thornton, Lidstrom, Ovechkin win at NHL awards
Associated Press
VANCOUVER, British Columbia -- Joe Thornton edged out Jaromir Jagr again. Thornton, who beat out Jagr for the scoring title by two points, took the Hart Trophy as the NHL's MVP on Thursday with Jagr again relegated to runner-up.

“I just felt real comfortable," said Thornton, who appeared to be over any hard feelings towards Boston for trading him away. "I'm just in a new place playing the same game I always played. I wish the Bruins all the best," he said.

Personally, I think this is worse than the Celts trading Chauncey Billups to Detroit and watching him become the MVP of the Finals and an All-Star.

via Slashdot: The return of Bender

2006-06-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

New episodes of Futurama coming to Comedy Central ... for real!
Posted Jun 22nd 2006 2:44PM by Joel Keller

We've reported on every single little rumor that's come out about Futurama's return. We've asked Billy West...finally.... we have some confirmation that Futurama is indeed coming back. When Katey Sagal visited The Late Late Show the other day, she told Craig that the show is coming back to Comedy Central in 2008 for at least 13 episodes...

The world definitley needs more of Bender to combat the pc thugs and FCC fascists.

Bad headline

2006-06-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Depp: I'd do more "Pirates"
POSTED ON 06/21/06 AT 1:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES

Arrr, the cabin boy is still sore from the last time.