Lunatic Swine

Just some random funny pics, SFW.--via Fark.

2006-11-11T21:20:00.001-08:00

Believe it...or not

2006-11-11T21:06:00.000-08:00

Oscar winner Jack Palance dead at 87
POSTED: 10:04 a.m. EST, November 11, 2006
LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Actor Jack Palance, who won an Oscar with his comedic self-parody in 1991's "City Slickers," died Friday.

Sad, yes but there are some interesting facts in this story I didn't know about the guy. And some good quotes:
"Most of the stuff I do is garbage," he once told a reporter, adding that most of the directors he worked with were incompetent, too. "Most of them shouldn't even be directing traffic," he said.
He was a professional heavyweight boxer in the early 1940s.
Palance was wounded in World War II and received a Purple Heart.
His acting break came after the war as Marlon Brando's understudy in "Streetcar Named Desire."

LOST fan?

2006-11-11T13:39:00.000-08:00

All episodes viewable online, including seaseon 3. For some reason there's one missing in season 1, but still nice if you're a fan. Oh, and there are some other shows there too...
24, Arrested Development, Band Of Brothers, Battlestar Galactica , Celebrity Deathmatch, Chapelle's Show, Desperate Housewives , Heroes, Jackass, Lost In Space, Mind Of Mencia, My Name Is Earl, Nip/Tuc, Oz, Prison Break, Roswell, Scrubs, Seinfeld, The Black Adder, The Office, The Tick, Trailerpark Boys, Vanished, X-Files...etc.

Breast enhancement gum. Yes, gum.

2006-08-14T11:50:00.000-07:00

Breast enhancement - naturally

A JAPANESE company claims to have developed a 100 per cent natural chewing gum able to increase the size, shape and firmness of women's breasts naturally.

The main ingredient, a wild plant called pueraria mirifica, grows in Thailand and contains a number of natural compounds, called phytoestrogens, which mimic the effects of the female hormone oestrogen. Tests carried out by Thailand's Chulalongkorn University found pueraria mirifica was able to enhance breast size by 80 per cent, and further tests carried out in England found that the plant also had a beneficial effect on the skin and hair, as reported by the BBC, medical journals and other news outlets.....
So the race is off.....product name suggestions anyone?

So far I like: Milk Scuds, Puppy Chow, Knockerlicious, Bazookas, Chicktits...

Send and email or voicemail from Samuel Jackson!

2006-08-12T08:21:00.000-07:00

Snakes on a plane sounds like a terrible idea for a movie, but it might just turn out to be so bad that people see it. Anyway, being able to send a message to someone from Samuel Jackson is just too cool.

All hail the FSM!!!

2006-08-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

I’m really thinking this may be worth looking into….

-Pastafarian heaven includes at least one "beer volcano" and one stripper factory.
-According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are "absolute divine beings" and the original Pastafarians.
-The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" are the Pastafarian equivalent of the Ten Commandments. They originate from the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. According to Pastafarianism, they were given to Pirate Mosey, the FSM equivalent of Moses, by the Flying Spaghetti Monster himself. There were originally ten, but two were dropped "on the way down the mountain". The lack of the two last I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts supposedly partly accounts for Pastafarians' self-proclaimed flimsy moral standards.

Want to see how stupid people and religion should never be combined? Read the FSM creator’s hate mail with the 'All hail the FSM!!!" link.

I’d hope that at least some of that is a joke, but then again there are a lot of idiots out there.
Some choice bits:
"...the Bible is 100% true- it says so in the Bible."

"Technology, hell we'd be better of without it anyways. I hope to someday prove Darwinian philosophy and be able to have my dog recite Shakespeare to me. Then I will believe Evolution is true. Until then....its all a big damn joke. Charles Darwin went insane when he was 28 anyways (didn't know that did you?) Let me put it this way to you concerning your bologna flying spaghetti monster. If we are created in the image of what you believe God to be, we would look like spaghetti. Common sense is a valuable asset"
I really enjoy reading an ignorant fundamentalist try to reason that there is evidence of Intelligent Design but none for evolution. Even the Vatican has come out against teaching religion in schools, besides which it doesn't discount the possibility of evolution.

From http://www.catholic.com/library/Adam_Eve_and_Evolution.asp

Concerning biological evolution, the Church does not have an official position on whether various life forms developed over the course of time. However, it says that, if they did develop, then they did so under the impetus and guidance of God, and their ultimate creation must be ascribed to him. Concerning human evolution, the Church has a more definite teaching. It allows for the possibility that man’s body developed from previous biological forms, under God’s guidance, but it insists on the special creation of his soul. Pope Pius XII declared that "the teaching authority of the Church does not forbid that, in conformity with the present state of human sciences and sacred theology, research and discussions . . . take place with regard to the doctrine of evolution, in as far as it inquires into the origin of the human body as coming from pre-existent and living matter—[but] the Catholic faith obliges us to hold that souls are immediately created by God" (Pius XII, Humani Generis 36). So whether the human body was specially created or developed, we are required to hold as a matter of Catholic faith that the human soul is specially created; it did not evolve, and it is not inherited from our parents, as our bodies are.

via Fark: Scientology strikes again

2006-07-25T19:06:00.000-07:00

Clearwater man at odds with Church of Scientology

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

A man who is making a documentary about the Church of Scientology in Clearwater says he's being targeted.Shawn Lonsdale of Clearwater got into a fight with someone claiming to be a Scientologist while he was filming on a street corner across from the church on July 8. After looking at Lonsdale's videotape, police arrested the Scientologist, Michael Fitzgerald, on battery charges Now, posters with a mugshot of Lonsdale are popping up in store windows near the church warning people that he's dangerous and has been arrested for sex crimes.

Not only a cult, but a vindictive one. In Germany they are not even recognized as a religion--it's a business.

I should be a damn genius.....

2006-07-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Lack of sleep saps men's brain power
11:00 23 July 2006
New Scientist

IF YOU have ever thought you were stupid to sleep with someone, consider this. Sharing your bed could actually make you stupid if you are a man - at least temporarily. Even without having sex, bed sharing disturbs sleep quality, say Gerhard Kloesch and colleagues from the University of Vienna, Austria. Men and women fared differently. ......Lack of sleep led to increased stress hormone levels in men, and reduced their ability to perform simple cognitive tests the next day.
However, the women apparently slept more deeply when they did sleep, since they claimed to be more refreshed than their sleep time suggested. Their stress levels and mental scores did not suffer to the same extent.
How unfair...I have to do the time and don't even get to commit the crime.

Sounds like a dirty joke but it isn't

2006-07-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

Man robs fudge shop wearing women’s underwear as mask
July 22, 2006
PRAIRIE VILLAGE, Kan. – A man is caught on video robbing a local store using women’s underwear as a mask.
What the hell is wrong with people? Insert we're not in Kansas anymore joke here.

Football season is almost here!

2006-07-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

I like baseball and college basketball (the NBA is a sinking morass of overpaid "stars" and players with ironbound-team-handicapping contracts) but the NFL is my favorite. Yeah, there are plenty of overhyped players(Mannings, T.O., etc) but it's the best run league by far.

One thing I don't understand, why is Peyton "Heimlich" Manning such a bid deal? Great numbers in the regular season-with a strong team-but when it hits the fan what is he worth?
(2000 - 2005)
Peyton Manning 3-5
Tom Brady 10-1

And don't even get me started on his brother or his stupid commercials. Yes, Peyton has great skills but shut up until you put it up.

Government tries to regulate free speech, fire teacher

2006-07-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

Teacher under fire for his Cheney-9/11 theory

State legislators demand college bar him from teaching Islam course Friday, July 21, 2006; Posted: 2:29 p.m. EDT (18:29 GMT)
MADISON, Wisconsin (AP) -- More than 60 state lawmakers are urging the University of Wisconsin-Madison to fire an instructor who has argued that the U.S. government orchestrated the September 11 terrorist attacks.

It's not that I agree with the guy, but why are "52 Assembly representatives and nine state senators" telling this guy that he can't speak his mind? The government is supposed to defend the First Amendment. Empty headed patriotism like this is a small step from fascism. Maybe people are upset because he's a teacher? That just makes it more important. Are educators only allowed to speak positively of the government? Yes, comrades!? STFU. Go to college, hear different viewpoints, form your own opinion--that's an education.

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it". Evelyn Beatrice Hall writing as S.G. Tallentyre in 1906 (Commonly attributed to Voltaire of whom Hall wrote a biography).
"...if any opinion is compelled to silence, that opinion may, for aught we can certainly know, be true. To deny this is to assume our own infallibility." John Stuart Mill, On Liberty (1859).
"If liberty means anything at all it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." - George Orwell, Preface to Animal Farm (1946)
"Goebbels was in favor of free speech for views he liked. So was Stalin. If you're in favor of free speech, then you're in favor of freedom of speech precisely for views you despise. Otherwise, you're not in favor of free speech." Noam Chomsky, Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media (1992).

Thanks to Wikipedia for the quotations.

No....he can't follow Nicholson!

2006-07-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Heath Ledger cast as Joker in "Batman 2"?
POSTED ON 07/20/06 AT 4:00 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES
Latino Review (http://www.latinoreview.com/) is claiming that Heath Ledger has been cast as the Joker in the "Batman Begins" sequel and an announcement from Warner Bros. is expected shortly.
The site, who broke news of Brandon Routh's casting in "Superman Returns," says that plans are in place for the "Brokeback Mountain" star to join Christian Bale and director Chris Nolan for the next Batman movie.
I don't care about the Brokeback Mountain thing, I just don't see this guy as the Joker--and there is no way in hell he can follow Nicholson. But Brokeback Joker does sound funny...

via FARK: Finally, a good fatwa

2006-07-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Saudi fatwa: Don’t support Hizbullah
ynet news
Leading Wahhabi cleric in Saudi Arabia issues scathing fatwa against Hizbullah, declares it against Muslim Sharia law to support, join, or even pray for terror group; 'our advice to Sunnis is to denounce them, shun those who join them to show their hostility to Islam, to Muslims,' he rules.
Although the fanatics of Islam are a minority, the peaceful majority rarely speak up to denounce their violent actions. At least I rarely hear of it. Usually it's someone declaring a fatwa against Salman Rusdie, some cartoonist, Mr. Peanut, or something suprising. So two thumbs up for this guy, I don't care if he's anti or pro U.S. as long as he's anti-terrorist and steps up to the podium.

The Vader Sessions

2006-07-14T17:29:00.000-07:00

Some guys with too much time and a great sense of humor have taken Vader clips and put in dialogue from other James Earl Jones movies, great stuff.

Via Fark: Best. Bad. Trip. Ever.

2006-07-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

'Bridge Troll' Arrested After Confrontation With Deputy
Bridge Trolls For Thee
POSTED: 10:09 am MDT July 13, 2006
BOULDER, Colo. -- A man who acted as a modern-day bridge troll faces charges in Boulder after he and his companion allegedly got into a confrontation with an off-duty sheriff's deputy.

According to a police report obtained by 7NEWS, Robert Hibbs, 19, was arrested Friday in a park near Foothills Highway and Colorado Avenue after demanding money and attacking the deputy. Police said that Hibbs insisted he was a troll and owned the bridge the deputy was trying to cross.....Boville, who was with Hibbs, reportedly told police that they had consumed LSD and that Hibbs was having a bad trip.
Well the Middle East is about to burst into WWIII and our pres could get lost in a port-a-potty, but at least we're safe from bridge trolls. A little humor before the Apocalypse.

FCC, a.k.a. Puritan Gestapo, back in action.

2006-07-14T06:17:00.000-07:00

FCC combing air tapes for dirty words
Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:32 AM ET
By Brooks Boliek

WASHINGTON (Hollywood Reporter) - In its continuing crackdown on on-air profanity, the FCC has requested numerous tapes from broadcasters that might include vulgar remarks from unruly spectators, coaches and athletes at live sporting events, industry sources said.

Yes, the pc fascists will now be looking for unruly fans at sporting events. Is anyone else in the U.S. embarassed at what these fucking idiots are doing to the media? Next up, book burning and death for nakedness. Showering without clothes is for infidels! She said 'poo', burn her at the stake. The dictionary has 'penis' and 'vagina' in it, let's fine the English speaking world--or at least all the libraries with a dictionary. I mean anyone with a library card could go in there and see the dictionary, even kids can look up words!! We can't live in a society like this or in ten years the movie Planet of the Apes will come true. We'll all be slaves to the gorillas because they don't swear or make movies showing boobies. Yeah, I know, makes about as much sense as the FCC...

Anyone miss Calvin & Hobbes?

2006-07-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

The title link has a strip each day, but the following two links are pretty useful.

The text of each strip and a reference # for each. Just search the page for say, "space alien I captured in my back yard",
http://www.geocities.com/root_node/calvin.html

Once you get the #, hit the following site and you find the strip. Or just browse here for fun.
http://www.shovelbeating.org/~ryan/calvin-and-hobbes/

Hollywood staffed via the short bus

2006-07-13T06:33:00.000-07:00

Raven Symone in remake of "Adventures in Babysitting"
POSTED ON 07/12/06 AT 5:30 P.M.

Why oh why? Next up: Showgirls, Ishtar, Howard the Duck, The Postman (but bring back Costner!), Pluto Nash, From Justin to Kelly, Glitter, Son of the Mask, Leonard Part 6, and of course....Gigli.

Postons---Worst agents ever?

2006-07-13T06:29:00.000-07:00

"Law told The Kansas City Star on Tuesday that he wanted fair-market value and that it was possible he might not sign before the start of training camp."

Fine, but I'm not too sure he knows what fair-market value is? (Blame the Postons, worst agents ever.) It's not about his play; he was great with the Patriots and then had a career high 10 interceptions with the Jets. Unfortunately for Law it looks like salary sanity has descended on the NFL (unlike every other professional sport).

Hey Carl Poston, detect a pattern?

2005 Law was released Patriots due to his $12,551,000 salary.

2006 Released by the Jets-- due to make $7.6 million for 2006

Freak ...Hasselhoff: Like PB&J

2006-06-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Freak accident sends Hasselhoff to surgery

LONDON, England (AP) -- Former "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff had surgery after severing a tendon in his right arm in an accident in a London gym bathroom, his spokeswoman said Friday. The 53-year-old actor, who played lifeguard Mitch Buchannon on the TV beach drama for 11 years, was shaving at a gym in the Sanderson Hotel on Thursday when he hit his head on a chandelier, showering his arm with broken glass, his publicist, Judy Katz, said.

Just too funny, make up your own "how this happened"....what was he shaving? Was he alone, or was George Michael around?

via Fark: Geek + Spare Time = Trouble

2006-06-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

'Blue Pill' Prototype Creates 100% Undetectable Malware
By Ryan Naraine
June 28, 2006

A security researcher with expertise in rootkits has built a working prototype of new technology that is capable of creating malware that remains "100 percent undetectable," even on Windows Vista x64 systems.

If Bush didn't think a rootkit had to do with gardening, he'd probably declare this a WMD and launch an attack.

Hell no....

2006-06-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

Updated: June 27, 2006
Celtics may deal for Telfair, or seek Answer later
By Andy Katz ESPN.com

The Boston Celtics are sleeping on one trade while they ponder the potential of a blockbuster deal later this summer involving Philadelphia's Allen Iverson, multiple sources said Tuesday night. The Celtics have a deal where they can land Portland point guard Sebastian Telfair for the No. 7 pick and injured point guard Dan Dickau. The Celtics need to make this trade by 2 p.m. ET Wednesday to have the picks swapped before the draft. But the Celtics may want to wait to see which player falls to them at No. 7 -- like Washington's Brandon Roy or Gonzaga's Adam Morrison -- before making the trade Wednesday night.

Iverson?! I mean c'mon, yes he can play...but he's had trouble with every damn coach he's had. Did you hear Iverson and Webber skipped fan appreciation night? Great guys, real team players. They're exactly what's wrong with the NBA nowadays, me-me-me/offense first/I better get my respect ($$$) b1tches.
They're also talking about Telfair (straight to NBA 21 year old that hasn't fulfilled potential, suspended for bringing a gun on team plane--no charges filed.) Or Morrison? J-Christ on a crutch how many times will guys like this get overblown and drafted too high? Yeah, Celts--where's Michael Smith now?

Boston continues tradition-trade new talent for nothing.

2006-06-23T05:57:00.000-07:00

Thornton, Lidstrom, Ovechkin win at NHL awards
Associated Press
VANCOUVER, British Columbia -- Joe Thornton edged out Jaromir Jagr again. Thornton, who beat out Jagr for the scoring title by two points, took the Hart Trophy as the NHL's MVP on Thursday with Jagr again relegated to runner-up.

“I just felt real comfortable," said Thornton, who appeared to be over any hard feelings towards Boston for trading him away. "I'm just in a new place playing the same game I always played. I wish the Bruins all the best," he said.

Personally, I think this is worse than the Celts trading Chauncey Billups to Detroit and watching him become the MVP of the Finals and an All-Star.

via Slashdot: The return of Bender

2006-06-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

New episodes of Futurama coming to Comedy Central ... for real!
Posted Jun 22nd 2006 2:44PM by Joel Keller

We've reported on every single little rumor that's come out about Futurama's return. We've asked Billy West...finally.... we have some confirmation that Futurama is indeed coming back. When Katey Sagal visited The Late Late Show the other day, she told Craig that the show is coming back to Comedy Central in 2008 for at least 13 episodes...

The world definitley needs more of Bender to combat the pc thugs and FCC fascists.

Bad headline

2006-06-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

Depp: I'd do more "Pirates"
POSTED ON 06/21/06 AT 1:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES

Arrr, the cabin boy is still sore from the last time.

Pop rocks and Coke for the Millenium

2006-06-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

Net users gush over trick
Brian Williams
June 15, 2006
THE internet has spawned another weird craze – people putting Mentos lollies into bottles of Diet Coke to produce a soda geyser. Hundreds of videos have been downloaded on to websites showing people shooting soda geysers about 2m high.

Great, how long before Bush declares this a WMD and declares martial law?

Doesn't The Godfather need a remake too?!

2006-06-16T06:11:00.000-07:00

Boaz Yakin to write new "Conan the Barbarian" movie
POSTED ON 06/15/06 AT 2:00 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES
Variety reports Warner Bros. has commissioned Boaz Yakin ("Remember the Titans") to write and possibly direct "Conan the Barbarian." Yakin is a fan of the series and developed his own pitch to the studio. The project is described as a new take on the character created by Robert E. Howard and will be more faithful to the concept than the Arnold Schwarzenegger films in the 1980s.

Hollywood out of ideas, creatively bankrupt and teeming with idiots. I hear they're thinking of remaking the 40 Year Old Virgin in 2007. They're all concerned about piracy stealing their profits, but aren't they just pirating themselves here? Here's a prediction....profits will continue to fall as you beat dead horses.

Colorado courts are spineless

2006-06-16T05:51:00.000-07:00

Girls Can Marry at 15, Colo. Court Finds
Jun 15 2:05 PM US/Eastern

By JON SARCHE
Associated Press Writer
DENVER-A 15-year-old girl can enter into a common-law marriage in Colorado, and younger girls and boys possibly can, too, a state appeals court ruled Thursday. While the three-judge panel stopped short of setting a specific minimum age for such marriages, it said they could be legal for girls at 12 and boys at 14 under English common law, which Colorado recognizes.

Why not just make the state motto "Welcome Pedophiles!"? Apparently since "there was no clear legislative or statutory guidance on common-law marriages, and that Colorado courts have not determined an age of consent" they've chickened out on making a decision in the best interests of people and fallen back on English common law. I guess after the "don't ask, don't tell" non-decision farce it's no suprise.

New iPod idea is crap

2006-06-15T06:17:00.000-07:00

Ultimate iPod accessory?
www.ananova.com
A US firm has invented a new iPod accessory which combines the portable music player with a toilet roll holder. Manufacturers say the iCarta is designed to "enhance your experience in the smallest room", reports the Daily Mail.

We're becoming an nation of idiots. Next up: Shower iPod, Casket iPod, MRI iPod...

via Fark: Our President is not all there

2006-06-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

President Bush To Legally Blind Reporter: ‘Are You Going to Ask That Question with Shades On?’
At a press conference this morning, President Bush needled Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Wallsten after he stood up to ask a question wearing sunglasses. “Are you going to ask that question with shades on?” Bush said, telling Wallsten, “I’m interested in the shade look, seriously.”
But as Wonkette first noted, and which ThinkProgress subsquently confirmed, Wallsten is legally blind.

Sometimes it's like he looks for ways to embarass himself.

via Fark: Knight Rider

2006-06-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

David Hasselhoff: Is there anything he can't do?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Face it, Hasselhoff, 53, is that rare breed of man who succeeds, despite being pretty cheesy.

????????????????? 7 platinum albums! Maybe the world did end on 6/6/06 and we're in hell.

Glavin!!! Start up the cadaver derby

2006-06-14T05:41:00.000-07:00

Jerry Lewis Suffers 'Mild' Heart Attack
Jun 13 LAS VEGAS
Comedian Jerry Lewis postponed a July engagement to perform live after suffering a heart attack Sunday that a casino spokeswoman described as "mild."
"At present, he is under hospital care and is expected to make a full recovery," said Candi Cazau, spokeswoman for the Orleans hotel-casino in Las Vegas, where Lewis was to perform July 13-16.
Lewis, 80, is also suffering from "a touch of pneumonia," Cazau said in a statement.

Ow, ow, oh, Sir Isaac's legs are hur-ting! I never really was a fan, but they love him in France. Funny how that's an insult now.

Don Ho + Joseph Stalin = Hit record

2006-06-14T05:36:00.000-07:00

Surf's up for Stalin
An album of Stalin-era prison songs mixed with Hawaiian-style surf music is proving an unlikely hit in eastern Europe.

I guess it's better than Stalin and disco, Stalin-Alive. Good idea for a present, and what a coincidence--it's almost Father's Day!

Another horrible dog attack...

2006-06-09T06:26:00.000-07:00

Beaten with dead chihuahua
June 9, 2006
A Missouri woman has been arrested for breaking into a dog breeder's home and beating her repeatedly over the head with a dead Chihuahua, local media reported.

Where do you go with news like this? Some kind of "Drop the Chalupa" joke? My first thought was that if you're going to attack someone with a dog, at least use a heftier one. That's like beating someone with a sock full of Kaptain Krunch. If a Chihuahua is all you have, at least freeze it first. Amateurs.

Massage on company time

2006-06-09T06:13:00.000-07:00

More workers get massage and yoga on company time
Fri Jun 9, 2006 8:52am ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - One U.S. West Coast marketing agency encourages employees to stop work and duck out for massages, while at one New York hedge fund, workers break during the day for yoga classes.

So are Happy Endings reimbursable?

Someone 'Kevorkian' Hollywood

2006-06-09T06:10:00.000-07:00

"Alien vs. Predator 2" gets directors
IGN FilmForce (http://filmforce.ign.com) reports that special effects masters Greg and Colin Strause are in the running to direct "Alien vs. Predator 2" for 20th Century Fox.

Pull the plug, Hollywood is obviously brain dead. What's next, Howard the Duck 2?

UK creating batman army!

2006-06-07T07:46:00.000-07:00

Special forces to use strap-on 'Batwings'
By MATTHEW HICKLEY, Daily Mail

Elite special forces troops being dropped behind enemy lines on covert missions are to ditch their traditional parachutes in favour of strap-on stealth wings. The lightweight carbon fibre mono-wings will allow them to jump from high altitudes and then glide 120 miles or more before landing - making them almost impossible to spot, as their aircraft can avoid flying anywhere near the target.

I suggest we get to work immediately on an army of Jokers, we don't want to fall behind in the cartoon hero race. Besides, I love the thought of thousands of Jokers running amok.

via Cinema Confidential-Hollywood is brain dead

2006-06-07T06:58:00.000-07:00

Kevin Bacon instills "Death Sentence"
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Kevin Bacon will join James Wan's "Death Sentence" for 20th Century Fox....the movie will tell of a father who goes out for revenge after his family is killed as part of a gang-initiation crime.

Zhang Ziyi in "Seven Samurai" remake?
The Hollywood Reporter reports that Zhang Ziyi will star in a remake of Akira Kurosawa's "The Seven Samurai" for The Weinstein Company.

So Kevin Bacon is basically making Death Wish 2006, and we can see a third version of Seven Samurai soon. What the hell is wrong with these people? They'll remake a movie or bankroll another crappy Rob Schneider one-joke movie but can't do anything original? No wonder people don't go the movies. $10 for a ticket, the same for snacks, and after sitting throught 15 minutes of commercials you get a garbage sequel/remake or some idiotic, watered down to get a PG-13 rating piece of shit. Some studio is going to wake up sooner or later and start making movies again, I just wish I knew when.

You know why they call him the Big Aristotle?

2006-06-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

Because Aristotle couldn't hit free throws either.

For the NBA Finals, I’d lean towards Dallas but I have to admit I haven’t watched them much so I wouldn’t put $ on it.

Basically I think they’re more seasoned and a better shooting team. Also now that the refs have been calling Shaq’s brute force moves more closely, he’s had to try and play a “skill” game—not his strength, and if he hasn’t learned it after all these years it’s a little late.

Nowitzki averaged more points and more rebounds than Shaq this year. It was actually the big schmoe’s worst scoring and rebounding year in his career and his second worst FT % at .469. Ok, so maybe there’s some wear and tear that brings down his ppg/rpg, but no one’s FT % should ever drop.
He just doesn’t have the work ethic to develop his skills.

If he ever had a serious injury nothing I've seen has shown he has the will to work his way back. If he can't work hard enough to hit free throws, you think he'll work through the pain of rehab? Forget those Icy/Hot commercials, he’d just Kemp it.

Dallas has averaged more points and rebounds in the playoffs and has 5 players averaging double digit scores. Miami has three. If Miami has any hope it’s more in Wade’s hands that in Kazaam’s.

Lady Macca's "Adult" movie past

2006-06-06T06:19:00.000-07:00

LADY Heather McCartney posed in depraved pornographic clinches which are bound to sicken her estranged husband Sir Paul and his army of fans. The ex-model was snapped in a string of lurid scenes for a hard core German book. Many of the images are too explicit to print in a family newspaper.

One shot shows Heather naked and smothered in baby oil as she performs a sex act on a nude male porn star. The curly-haired man is then photographed performing an act on her with the help of a sex toy.

Well, she's still a lot better catch than Yoko Ono.

Hollywood is a town of idiots

2006-06-06T06:14:00.000-07:00

So when will they decide to remake Jaws? I can see it now: RobSchneider as Hooper, David Spade as Chief Brody, and…….Will Ferrell asQuint.

The end of Western Civilization as we know it.

Rob Zombie to direct new "Halloween" film

POSTED ON 06/05/06 AT 10:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMESThe Hollywood Reporter reports that Rob Zombie has been brought in tohelm a new "Halloween" film that will kickstart a whole new vision forthe franchise and will neither be linked as a sequel to the otherfilms, nor will it be a remake of the 1978 original by John Carpenter.

Sean Bean is "The Hitcher"

POSTED ON 06/01/06 AT 3:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMESThe Hollywood Reporter reports that Sean Bean ("The Lord of theRings") will be joining "The Hitcher," a remake of the 1986 horrorfilm. Sophia Bush (TV's "One Tree Hill") is already on board.

via Drudge: Hello 1984

2005-12-16T05:16:00.000-08:00

December 15, 2005
Bush Secretly Lifted Some Limits on Spying in U.S. After 9/11, Officials Say
By JAMES RISENand ERIC LICHTBLAU
WASHINGTON, Dec. 15 - Months after the Sept. 11 attacks, President Bush secretly authorized the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on Americans and others inside the United States to search for evidence of terrorist activity without the court-approved warrants ordinarily required for domestic spying, according to government officials.
Under a presidential order signed in 2002, the intelligence agency has monitored the international telephone calls and international e-mail messages of hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people inside the United States without warrants over the past three years in an effort to track possible "dirty numbers" linked to Al Qaeda, the officials said. The agency, they said, still seeks warrants to monitor entirely domestic communications.
1984 from Wikipedia: The novel introduced the concepts of the ever-present, all-seeing Big Brother, the notorious Room 101, the ubiquitous Thought Police, and the bureaucrats' and politicians' language Newspeak. Some commentators have drawn parallels between today's society and the world of 1984, suggesting that we are starting to live in what has become known as Orwellian society.

As if we needed it...

2005-12-05T05:07:00.000-08:00

Erotic furniture fad

Erotic furniture based on the female body with b00bs for doors and bums for drawers is the latest fad in Holland. Cabinet maker Mario Philippona has designed a range of stylish wooden cupboards, wardrobes and tables using the female anatomy as his inspiration.
His pieces include a wine-glass cupboard in the shape of a pair of large breasts and a table supported by legs moulded from a female model. Philippona said: "The shape of a woman, her organic architecture, combined with my passion for wood inspired me to sculpt these sexy designs."
His furniture is featured on his website, www.sexyfurniture.nl.
…another reason it’s good that I’m not rich. I know where I’d do 100% of my Christmas shopping.

Black Helicopters are old, in with Black Highlighters

2005-12-01T09:58:00.000-08:00

CIA Realizes It's Been Using Black Highlighters All These Years
November 30, 2005

LANGLEY, VA—A report released Tuesday by the CIA's Office of the Inspector General revealed that the CIA has mistakenly obscured hundreds of thousands of pages of critical intelligence information with black highlighters.
Meant to be satire, but I wouldn't put it past the current administration to give this excuse a try.

Firefox 1.5 now available

2005-12-01T09:52:00.000-08:00

Rumor has it that Bill Gates uses this at home.

Health, or lack thereof.

2005-12-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

Weak Strain Of Bird Flu Found At Sun Valley Farm
http://cbs2.com/topstories/local_story_333212149.html
(CBS) SUN VALLEY, CA Japanese quails suffering from a low pathogenic strain of bird flu were discovered in a Sun Valley quail farm.
Who else has read Stephen King's 'The Stand'?

FDA staff says ADHD patch not safe enough
Thu Dec 1, 2005 12:21 PM ET
http://today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=healthNews&storyID=2005-12-01T172101Z_01_BAU148015_RTRUKOC_0_US-NOVEN-ADHD.xml&archived=False
Luckily, most of them forget to put it on anyway.

via Slashdot: Why can't Microsoft just patch everything?

2005-12-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

...If smaller software companies can patch all of their bugs serious or minor, why can't Microsoft just patch all of their vulnerabilities with their massive army of programmers and massive budget?
Because, utimately, they don't want to. It's not their priority, and that's the scary part.

Award for best double phallic name since Peter O'Toole goes to....

2005-11-23T05:30:00.000-08:00

Jets notebook: Kingsbury replaces Testaverde as No. 2
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
BY DAVE HUTCHINSON
Star-Ledger Staff
blah blah blah………Edwards also repeated he wanted to score and not be shut out. Edwards said he's not worried about owner Woody Johnson's refusal to answer questions about the coach's future on Sunday following the game.

"I'm fine with Mr. Johnson," Edwards said. "We have a good relationship.”

Jets owner Woody Johnson! Also a great end quote, but it's probably something all guys would say.

36K? That's a salary, not a cup size!

2005-11-23T05:28:00.000-08:00

Taunted girl's breasts reduced on the NHS
By Richard Savill
(Filed: 23/11/2005)

A teenager has had breast reduction surgery after claiming that other girls taunted her about her 36K chest.

Stephenie Mann, 16, said the bullying was so intolerable that her parents agreed to her having an operation on the National Health Service. Last month her breasts were reduced by 11 cup sizes to a more comfortable 36D.
I'm not sure I can imagine what that looks like, but I'll sure try.

Get your rocks off

2005-11-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

Bush lobbies to have large rocks classified as WMD’s;
Netflix guides policy
Ben Affleck movie gives President first idea of November
Tuesday, November 22, 2005; Posted: 3:30 p.m. EST (20:30 GMT)

WASHINGTON (CNN) – President Bush, hoping to repair his administrations tarnished image, is pushing the UN to classify all large rocks as WMD’s. Insiders report that the Georgie hopes to accomplish two things with his “Bush wants your rocks” initiative, to retroactively justify the statements made prior to invading Iraq as well as paving the way for a similar action in Iran.

Bush stumbled upon the idea, his first of November, when Netflix sent him a copy of ‘Armageddon’, a Ben Affleck movie centered on a large asteroid threatening the Earth. "I've always been askeered of Mount Rushmore, and now I knows why," the President explained.

Detroit loses first, gets great quote

2005-11-21T05:23:00.000-08:00

Detroit News
Rasheed, on Milicic
The Pistons were impressed with Darko Milicic on Friday. In the second quarter, he got entangled with Dikembe Mutombo. Mutombo stuck a finger in Milicic's face. Milicic never backed off.
He then went on to block two shots, one of them Mutombo's.
"I'm telling you, Darko is a Serbian gangster," Rasheed Wallace said. "Darko's got some bodies back there (in Serbia-Montenegro). He can go psycho on guys."
It's been a while since there were many good characters in the NBA. Lots of punks, but where are the Barkelys, Dawkins, Mahorn.....so sad.
Speaking of Barkley: "He's instant offense... on both ends of the floor, I might add."
(Barkley on Cuttino Mobley)

It just keeps getting worse...

2005-11-21T05:20:00.000-08:00

Locked doors thwart Bush's bid to duck question
Reuters
Sunday, November 20, 2005; 8:10 AM
BEIJING (Reuters) - Irked by a reporter who told him he seemed to be "off his game" at a Beijing public appearance, President George W. Bush sought to make a hasty exit from a news conference but was thwarted by locked doors.
The final reporter he called on critiqued Bush's performance earlier in the day when he stood next to Hu in the Great Hall of the People on Tiananmen Square to deliver a statement....."Have you ever heard of jet lag?" Bush responded. "Well, good. That answers your question."
...When the reporter asked for "a very quick follow-up," Bush cut him off by thanking the press corps and telling the reporter "No you may not," as he strode toward a set of double doors leading out of the room.
The only problem was that they were locked. "I was trying to escape. Obviously, it didn't work," Bush quipped, facing reporters again until an aide rescued him by pointing to him toward the correct door.
Yes, that is the "leader" of our country. Embarrassing. At least he didn't throw up on anyone.

Three cheers for sane people!

2005-11-20T14:41:00.000-08:00

al-Zarqawi's Jordan Family Renounces Him

By JAMAL HALABY, Associated Press Writer Sun Nov 20,11:13 AM ET
AMMAN, Jordan - Family members of Jordanian-born Abu Musab al-Zarqawi renounced the terrorist leader Sunday after his al-Qaida in Iraq group claimed responsibility for the Nov. 9 suicide attacks on three Amman hotels that killed 59 people.

The family of al-Zarqawi, whose real name is Ahmed Fadheel Nazzal al-Khalayleh, reiterated their strong allegiance to Jordan's King Abdullah II in half-page advertisements in the kingdom's three main newspapers. Al-Zarqawi threatened to kill the king in an audiotape released Friday.

The statement is a serious blow to al-Zarqawi, who no longer will enjoy the protection of his tribe and whose family members may seek to kill him.
It's great to see Muslims denouncing terrorism, although it's sad that it takes their own losses to have them say it.

via FARK: Match dot sham

2005-11-20T14:39:00.000-08:00

Online dating gets slapped... with suits
Match.com is accused of sending out bogus romantic e-mails, Yahoo may have posted made up profiles.
November 18, 2005: 2:33 PM EST

NEW YORK (Reuters) - It's not easy finding love in cyberspace, and now some frustrated online daters say they were victims of fraud by two top Internet matchmaking services and have taken their complaints to court.

Match.com, a unit of IAC/Interactive Corp. (Research), is accused in a federal lawsuit of goading members into renewing their subscriptions through bogus romantic e-mails sent out by company employees. In some instances, the suit contends, people on the Match payroll even went on sham dates with subscribers as a marketing ploy.
As long as they put out, what's the problem?

Take that you Kansas Jesus-freaks

2005-11-18T10:21:00.000-08:00

Vatican Official Refutes Intelligent Design
By NICOLE WINFIELD, Associated Press Writer
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican's chief astronomer said Friday that "intelligent design" isn't science and doesn't belong in science classrooms, the latest high-ranking Roman Catholic official to enter the evolution debate in the United States.

The Rev. George Coyne, the Jesuit director of the Vatican Observatory, said placing intelligent design theory alongside that of evolution in school programs was "wrong" and was akin to mixing apples with oranges.
Kansas isn't the only place where Jesus freaks have been suing to get intelligent design taught beside evolution in the classroom, but it's the most recent I could remember. Now we'll see if they're really dogmatic fanatics or can they listen and think. Face it, the Vatican itself doesn't think intelligent design belongs in the classroom---so fly off and oppress someone else. Maybe you could reverse Roe v. Wade, or start up a "Help keep the cripples crippled" club to fight stem cell research?

via Slashdot: Cancer? AIDS? World hunger? Naah.

2005-11-18T05:25:00.000-08:00

Scientists Produce Fearless Mice
Posted by CowboyNeal on Friday November 18, @02:43AM
from the no-cheese-is-safe dept.
Dotnaught writes "According to New Scientist, a Rutgers University geneticist has found that turning off a specific gene for the protein stathmin makes mice fearless. The story speculates that this research might improve treatment for phobias. It does not mention obvious military applications for the discovery. As noted in this Naval Officer's guide for managing fatigue, the use of amphetamines to stay alert, followed by sedatives to sleep, has a long tradition. Genetic treatments may offer an alternative to pharmaceuticals."
We don't need cures, we need Mighty Mouse to save the day!

via FARK: Female Nasal Viagra!

2005-11-18T05:10:00.000-08:00

Nasal Spray Arouses Women's Desire To Have Sex In Minutes
POSTED: 1:34 pm EST November 17, 2005

A new nasal spray aphrodisiac for women that works in minutes may soon hit the market, according to a Local 6 News report.
Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses.
Female Nasal Viagra! No, not a punk or hip hop band but a ray of hope for nerds everywhere. They need to put this in a mace like dispenser and market it to nerds.

I wonder what would happen if you sprayed some on some flowers that you were giving a woman? With my luck, she’d probably run off with some produce.

AOL is a POS

2005-11-18T04:55:00.000-08:00

Buddies That Promote AOL Draw Complaints
Nov 17 12:57 PM US/Eastern

NEW YORK
Two new buddies greeted chatters on America Online Inc.'s instant- messaging service this week, but they were not universally welcomed.
Some AIM users complained that the buddies _ to promote AOL's movies and shopping services amounted to an intrusion. In a Web journal entry, Mike Masnick of Techdirt Inc. compared them to "buddy list spam."
AOL continues to show that it just doesn't understand the internet user. I have to assume that whatever idiot at Time-Warner that pushed the acquisition of AOL has been "retired". Anyone that's familiar with the 'net hates AOL, and since everyone's growing up with it now, they're doomed unless they totally change directions. And with crap like this, I know what I'd bet on.

In honor of Thanksgiving...

2005-11-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

Les: No parachutes yet. Can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but - Oh my God, Johnny, they're turkeys!! Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're plunging to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, the humanity! The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this!

Johnny: Les? Are you there? Les isn't there. Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les, and for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

Site has all sorts of great WKRP quotes, including:
Herb: Boy, where have you been?

Jennifer: Out with other men, Herb, letting them have their way with me.

Brando is back from the grave, and he's hungry.

2005-11-17T05:13:00.000-08:00

Exotic animal meats on VIP menu at zoo
November 16, 2005

BANGKOK, Thailand --VIP guests at the grand opening of the night safari zoo in northern Thailand will not only get to see exotic animals -- they'll get to taste them.

The Chiang Mai Night Safari Zoo will have its official opening on New Year's Day, and the "Exotic Buffet" marking the event will include tiger, lion, elephant and giraffe, said Plodprasop Suraswadi, the director of the zoo project.
Ah, reality catches up with movies, e.g. "The Freshman". Also reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer made his anti-bear suit, there was a big game hunter that ate all sorts of critters. But finding a Simpsons reference is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Dumbass of the day

2005-11-17T04:56:00.000-08:00

Group wants to see humans extinct

SAN FRANCISCO, Nov. 16 (UPI) -- Make no mistake about it, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement isn't anti-child, it's more like anti-human.
The VHE is dedicated to phasing out the human race in the interest of the health of the Earth, founder Les Knight told Wednesday's San Francisco Chronicle.
How about leading by example? C'mon, you're either part of the solution, or part of the problem.

Enough is enough already

2005-11-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

Three more return for "Scary Movie 4"

POSTED ON 11/15/05 AT 3:00 P.M.
BY ETHAN AAMES The Hollywood Reporter reports that three more actors from "Scary Movie 3" is joining "Scary Movie 4." Carmen Electra, Simon Rex, and Leslie Nielsen will all return for "Scary Movie 4," along with Anna Faris and Regina Hall.
Not that I have anything against this series, but how long will they beat a dead horse? Remaking the Pink Panther, good idea jackass. If anything makes money, expect a handful of clones. Harry Potter made money, so you get Lemony Snicket. LOTR did well, so we get the Narnia movie. Individually some of the films may be worth it, but they're the exceptions--a great story and/or director. But they're being made because they fit the mold. How often does an innovative story get on the big screen? And forget it if you're waiting for an intelligent film for adults.

I think the movie makers just want a mad lib thing, fill in the blanks. A cinematic formula to guarantee success. But people, or intelligent people, are sick of that cookie cutter crap for $9+ a ticket. If it’s a formula, it’s going to suck and people won’t want to see it-with occasional exceptions.

Will we get good movies someday, or do they continue to churn out 95% of pg-13, largest possible audience cliché/remake pieces of shit?

via Drudge: Sedative-Spitting Transvestites

2005-11-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

Thai Tourists Warned Of Sedative-Spitting Transvestites
POSTED: 12:28 pm EST November 14, 2005

BANGKOK, Thailand -- Thai police are warning tourists of a new scam. Members of a Thai transvestite gang have confessed to hiding strong sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims during deep kissing. Then they rob the drugged tourists.
Damn, note to self: avoid Thai women. Hell, avoid Thailand.

Misleading Headlines

2005-11-11T19:51:00.000-08:00

Handmade bombs slow push against insurgents
www.cnn.com

U.S. Marines and Iraqi soldiers Friday battled an unseen enemy --
Oops, although I hate Georgie you have to respect the price the troops are paying. I actually thought this was about Ben Affleck's movies. You know: Surviving Christmas, Jersey Girl, Paycheck, Gigli, Daredevil, The Third Wheel, Changing Lanes, Daddy and Them, Pearl Harbor, Bounce, Reindeer Games, Forces of Nature....

Anyone surprised?-File under "Waste of Money"

2005-11-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

Smarter kids may live longer study
By Amy Norton Fri Nov 11,11:56 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Smarter children may enjoy longer lives, the results of a new study suggest.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Poll: Most Americans Say Bush Not Honest
By WILL LESTER, Associated Press Writer Fri Nov 11, 6:52 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Two crucial pillars of President Bush's public support — perceptions of his honesty and faith in his ability to fight terrorism — have slipped to their lowest point in the AP-Ipsos poll.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Oral tobacco not safe substitute
By Megan Rauscher Fri Nov 11,10:56 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - Smokeless oral tobacco products such as moist snuff and hard snuff lozenges are not a safe alternative to cigarettes for people trying to kick the habit, as these products contain high levels of cancer-causing compounds.
They get cash to study these things? Where are my "Masturbation is fun" and "Oxygen is good" checks?

So Far

2005-11-11T19:29:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Bushisms

The Stupidest Things President George W. Bush Has Ever Said

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' —Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

6) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

5) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

4) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

3) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

2) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

1) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

via Slashdot: Bill Gates-"Hot water burn baby!"

2005-11-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

Microsoft Reports OSS Unix Beats Windows XP
Posted by Zonk on Friday November 11, @01:55PM

Mortimer.CA writes "In a weblog entry, Paul Murphy mentions a Microsoft report (40 page PDF) that in many instances FreeBSD 5.3 and Linux perform better than Windows XP SP2. The report is about MS' Singularity kernel (which does perform better than the OSS kernels by many of the metrics they use), and some future directions in OS design (as well as examination of the way things have been done in the past)." From the post: "What's noteworthy about it is that Microsoft compared Singularity to FreeBSD and Linux as well as Windows/XP - and almost every result shows Windows losing to the two Unix variants. For example, they show the number of CPU cycles needed to "create and start a process" as 1,032,000 for FreeBSD, 719,000 for Linux, and 5,376,000 for Windows/XP."
Ha. Ha. Ha.

via FARK: Headlines you just cannot believe.

2005-11-10T13:35:00.000-08:00

Mike Tyson Accused Of Assaulting TV Cameraman
POSTED: 10:39 am EST November 10, 2005

SAO PAULO, Brazil -- Mike Tyson was questioned by police early Thursday after a television cameraman accused the former heavyweight champion of assaulting him outside a nightclub.
Tyson could face charges of assault and destruction of property, police spokeswoman Kelly Pinheiro said. A court hearing has been scheduled for Friday, but Tyson can send a representative and is not required to appear.
What's next?! Cats and dogs living together? Chevy Chase being funny again?

via FARK: Capitalism! Hooray for BOOBIES!

2005-11-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

Banana Joe's: Dress like a cheerleader, no cover

Tampa, Florida - Starting on Friday, Banana Joe's -- the Tampa bar now famous for the Carolina Panthers cheerleader scuffle -- will offer no cover to anyone (male or female) that shows up dressed like a cheerleader.

Professional cheerleader? You drink for free.
Why don't we add in schoolgirl and french maid, then make it an amendment to the Constitution?!

Terror attacks spark fury in Jordan

2005-11-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

Terror attacks spark fury in Jordan
Amman stunned by suicide bombings
Thursday, November 10, 2005
AMMAN, Jordan (CNN) -- Three terror bombings that killed at least 56 people in Jordan's capital sparked furious protests against al Qaeda on Thursday after a Web site carried a claim that the group was behind the attacks.
This is promising. If other countries don't like the US I can live with that, but it would be sweet if everyone was on the same page, anti-terrorist.

Kirstie Alley's new reality show!

2005-11-10T05:07:00.000-08:00

Man seeks fat people to fuel his boat
News.au.comNovember 10, 2005

An Auckland adventurer wants overweight people to have liposuction so he can turn their fat into biofuel to power his boat around the globe.
She’s going around the world, well some of her is.

Russia still making news.

2005-11-10T05:00:00.000-08:00

Scientist invents remote-controlled turtles
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1606750.html?menu=news.quirkies
A Russian scientist claims to have created remote controlled turtles for spying missions.

Russia offers football thugs to France
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1606734.html?menu=news.quirkies
A Russian politician has offered to send the country's violent football thugs to France to sort out the rioters.
Crazy Russians, why aren't they combining these? Waves of hooligans riding remote control turtles to rescue France from the French!

via Slashdot: Microsoft crushes the little guy...

2005-11-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

How Microsoft Takes a Name
Posted by CmdrTaco on Wednesday November 09, @09:01AM
from the wow-thats-just-slimey dept.

An anonymous reader writes "According to a report in the "Seattle Post-Intelligencer," the Windows Defender name was already being used by an Australian developer, Adam Lyttle. His Windows Defender product protected Windows users from malicious Web sites. Adam Lyttle told the Post-Intelligencer's Todd Bishop that Microsoft contacted him a month ago, charging him with infringing on the Windows trademark but neglecting to mention that the software giant wanted to use the "Windows Defender" name. Lyttle subsequently signed over rights to the name to Microsoft and was "shocked" when he later learned the company intended to use the name for one of its own products. "
Also, Seattlepi.com story: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/247483_msftdefender08.html

Payback for the Pill?!

2005-11-09T05:08:00.000-08:00

Serbs line up for testicle shocks
Ananova.com
Men in Serbia are lining up to have electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new contraceptive treatment.
Serbian fertility expert Dr Sava Bojovic, who runs one of the clinics offering the service, said the small electric shock makes men temporarily infertile by stunning their sperm into a state of immobility.
What kind of Dr. Frankenpenis came up with this idea?

Great Headlines, Nov 9th

2005-11-09T05:05:00.000-08:00

Fire eater set stripper's boobs alight
Ananova.com
A fire eater has been given a suspended jail sentence for setting a stripper's boobs on fire. Dancer Maria Leeb, 27, was tied to a pole wearing just her g-string while her fire-eating partner blew flames at her.
C'mon, this could happen to anyone...

T.O. Now stands for Time-Out!!

2005-11-07T13:02:00.000-08:00

Eagles: Owens won't return this season

By ROB MAADDI
AP Sports Writer

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- Terrell Owens won't return to the Philadelphia Eagles this season, coach Andy Reid said Monday.

The outspoken star receiver was suspended for Sunday night's 17-10 loss at Washington, and will remain suspended for three more games. After that, the Eagles plan to deactivate Owens for the rest of the season.

"The league has been notified by the players' union that they will be grieving our right to take that action," Reid said, "therefore there is nothing more that I can say at this point."
Yahooooooooooooooooo!

They're all out of pudding!!

2005-11-07T05:03:00.000-08:00

DRUDGE REPORT
SUN NOV 06, 2005 19:28:02 ET
HOLLYWOOD ROCKED: 'GAY COWBOY' MOVIE BECOMES AN OSCAR FRONTRUNNERArriving with nudity and explicit gay sex scenes between two cowboys, UNIVERSAL/FOCUS FILMS's BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN has quietly become an award season frontrunner, interviews with Academy members reveal.
Anyone see the South Park when the independant film festival came to town? Cartman thought all the films would be "gay cowboys eating pudding". And it turns out he was right!

It wasn't like that when I was there!

2005-11-06T10:47:00.000-08:00

Sex at School Increasing, Some Educators Say

By Tara Bahrampour and Ian Shapira
Washington Post Staff Writers
Sunday, November 6, 2005; C01

Perhaps the most shocking thing about students having sex in a high school auditorium was that other students didn't find it very shocking at all.

"I glanced over and, whatever, I just let him continue on with his business," said a 16-year-old linebacker on the Osbourn High School football team who, along with a friend, stumbled upon a couple engaging in oral sex. "I stayed for five to eight minutes, just talking. We weren't worried about it. When the janitor came in, everyone started running."
Maybe it's time to think about furthering my education...

Sanity descends on the NFL!!

2005-11-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

Eagles suspend WR Owens for detrimental conduct

November 5, 2005

PHILADELPHIA (Ticker) - Terrell Owens' apology was not enough.

The Philadelphia Eagles announced on Saturday that Owens has been suspended for conduct detrimental to the team.

Perhaps the NFL's best wide receiver, Owens has been a major headache off the field for the Eagles.
It's too bad that more coaches/owners don't follow the Gruden vs. Keyshaw Johnson method. Talent shouldn't override teams. Now what can we do to Shockey?

What a coincidence, we were just talking about this.

2005-11-04T20:23:00.000-08:00

Cheney Pushes Senate for CIA Exemption

By DAVID ESPO and LIZ SIDOTI, Associated Press Writers 12 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - Vice President
Dick Cheney made an unusual personal appeal to Republican senators this week to allow
CIA exemptions to a proposed ban on the torture of terror suspects in U.S. custody...

Cheney told his audience the United States doesn't engage in torture, these participants added, even though he said the administration needed an exemption from any legislation banning "cruel, inhuman or degrading" treatment in case the president decided one was necessary to prevent a terrorist attack....
Conspiracy Nation will have a field day with this. But seriously, Cheney wants to OK torture if it's deemed necessary?! Anyone else have a problem with this?

via FARK: Another Bush crony in trouble?

2005-11-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

New Wilkerson quote: docs trace prisoner torture to Cheney!
by Loudocracy
Fri Nov 04, 2005 at 11:06:08 AM PDT

Dan Froomkin's got the scoop. Apparently Lawrence Wilkerson was on NPR yesterday and was talking about the abuse of prisoners by US soldiers. He says that there may be documentation tracing the torture policies to Cheney himself. Froomkin says that no other media outlets are pushing the story. This could be big. We've got to help push this into the media ciculation.
Pretty iffy at this point, but I do think we're in the midst of the most corrupt administration since Tricky Dick Nixon.

via FARK: T.O.--"I'm what's wrong with pro sports"

2005-11-04T20:05:00.000-08:00

The trials of Terrell Owens

The Eagles are a so-so football team right now....

In case you missed it, Terrell did an interview that was aired on Thursday in which he agreed with an assessment from Michael Irvin that the Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre was their quarterback.

To review:
1. ESPN commentator Michael Irvin tells Dan Patrick in a radio interview that the Eagles would be undefeated with Favre.
2. In an interview with an ESPN.com employee, Owens agrees with that assessment, tacking it onto his complaint that the team did not appropriately commemorate his 100th touchdown catch.
Yes, he has a mountain of talent. His Super Bowl performance was great. Unfortunatley his talent is dwarfed by his ego.

NFL's Top 10 Most Disappointing Players

2005-11-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

I don't agree with some calls, particularly Curtis Martin. He'll probably end up in the Hall of Fame, but they're busting him for not producing with a gimpy knee and a shell game of hurt/never been/has been QB's?

But dissing "neon" with a Burger King reference? Classic. This is the guy T.O. reminds me of...a money player. Super talented guy that plays for HIS money, team isn't in his dictionary.

Deion Sanders, Cornerback, Ravens

Other than the Burger King commercial, where the King's head is superimposed on Deion's body as he gets a pick and runs it in for a touchdown, Sanders has done nothing for the Ravens this year. The 38-year-old cornerback no longer strikes fear into the hearts of opposing quarterbacks.

Slashdot:Microsoft Plans Deliberate Xbox 360 Shortage

2005-11-03T05:21:00.000-08:00

Games: Microsoft Plans Deliberate Xbox 360 Shortage
Posted by samzenpus on Thursday November 03, @08:07AM

An anonymous reader writes "To ensure an immediate "sellout" of the Xbox 360 on launch day (therefore getting lots of media buzz about their new console), Microsoft will simply restrict the supply down to a trickle. My favorite part of the article: "In addition to limiting the per-store stock of consoles and having the retailers prepare to prominently note the unit's "sold out" status, Microsoft has allegedly asked Norwegian retailers to sign an agreement that they'll sell out of the consoles on the launch date."
File under: Reasons to hate Bill Gates # 4,258,669

George Bush classifies glue as WMD

2005-11-03T05:11:00.000-08:00

Civil Suit Goes To Court: A Scorned Lover, Glue And A Naked Man
POSTED: 5:43 pm EST November 2, 2005

WESTMORELAND COUNTY, Pa. -- Gail O'Toole was convicted of simple assault and sentenced to six months probation for acts she committed against her ex-lover.

On Wednesday, the civil suit went to court, where O'Toole's ex-boyfriend claimed her "outrageous" and "inhumane" acts are worth thousands in damages. Slaby said O'Toole waited until he fell asleep and glued his penis to his stomach, glued his testicle to his leg and glued the cheeks of his buttocks together.

Then came the nail polish. Slaby claimed O'Toole dumped it all over his head.

When he woke up, Slaby said O'Toole threw him out.

He didn't have a car, so he was forced to walk one mile down Route 22 to call 911 and Murrysville police, Slaby said.
I guess there’s a silver lining to being single, I don’t have to worry about glue wielding women.

Hopefully this disappears before someone demands a Senate investigation

2005-11-02T05:20:00.000-08:00

Clarence Thomas not a real black?
Paper arguing for court 'diversity'wants asterisk by his name
Posted: November 1, 20052:39 p.m. Eastern
?! I guess they're saying he doesn't represent the beliefs/concerns of black people. If we're going to start crap like this, can we get an asterisk by George Bush's name? What a bunch of garbage that serves no function...

CIA holds terror suspects in secret prisons

2005-11-02T05:17:00.000-08:00

CIA holds terror suspects in secret prisons

Debate grows within agency about legality, morality of approach
By Dana Priest
Updated: 7:57 a.m. ET Nov. 2, 2005The CIA has been hiding and interrogating some of its most important al Qaeda captives at a Soviet-era compound in Eastern Europe, according to U.S. and foreign officials familiar with the arrangement.

I suppose they need to have some covert options for terrorists, but after reading some stories about the gov't shipping prisoners to countries where torture is ok this makes me wonder.

Dear Bill Gates, you suck. Sincerely, US Supreme Court

2005-11-02T05:12:00.000-08:00

Supreme Court Rejects Microsoft Appeal in Eolas Case

Software giant had asked for different accounting of how damages would be determined.
Robert McMillan, IDG News Service
Monday, October 31, 2005
The U.S. Supreme Court has decided not to hear a Microsoft appeal in the software company's ongoing Web browsing patent dispute with the University of California and Eolas Technologies.Has Microsoft done some good things? Sure. Have they crushed competitors and stifled creativity using questionable tactics? Everyone seems to know the answer, maybe even the Supreme Court.

Georgie does it again....

2005-11-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Bush outlines $7.1 billion flu pandemic strategy

Program calls for increased bird immigration paperwork, psychics to protect wealthy Americans
The Associated Press
Updated: 11:24 a.m. ET Nov. 1, 2005

WASHINGTON - President Bush outlined a $7.1 billion strategy Tuesday to prepare for the danger of a pandemic influenza outbreak, saying he wanted to “make sure these filthy birds and their WMD’s aren’t able to threaten the upper class US citizens or minorities in my administration”.
The president also said the United States must approve greater powers of surveillance as well as search and seizure to its agents in an effort to combat the increasing numbers of birds that are crossing our borders, in most cases filling out little or no paperwork.
Bush said no one knows when or where a deadly strain of flu will strike but “at some point we are likely to face another bird related emergency. I mean…have you ever seen a pelican up close? Their mouths are huge; it’s obvious they want to destroy our way of life---Have you ever seen a pelican in church for gosh sake?”
The president, in a speech at the National Institutes of Health, said the United States must be prepared to detect outbreaks anywhere in the world, and he is currently trying to hire renowned psychic Miss Cleo to help him pinpoint future outbreaks before they happen.

Big F'ing Deal

2005-11-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

Curtis Says She's Passing on Acting Work
Oct 31, 3:29 PM EST
The Associated Press
BURBANK, Calif. -- In an interview with "Access Hollywood," Jamie Lee Curtis reveals that she "doesn't accept acting work anymore."
Oh no, what a tragedy! What's next, will Scott Baio retire?

Yippe Ki-ay...ahh! I've fallen and I can't get up!

2005-11-01T05:35:00.000-08:00

Bruce Willis does his part for troops

Actor tried to join military, but told he was too old
Posted: November 1, 20051:00 a.m. Eastern

Apparently someone's watched too many of his own movies.

Another virus immigrates to us, seeks citizenship

2005-11-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

Texas Probes 15 Cases for Dengue Fever

The Associated Press
BROWNSVILLE, Texas - Health officials are investigating 15 cases in Brownsville for dengue fever, one of which they believe was contracted from a mosquito in the United States.

All worried about the H5 Bird Flu? Don't let Dengue, also know as breakbone fever, sneak up on you.

Seal-singer, songwriter, nose biter?

2005-11-01T05:25:00.000-08:00

www.Fark.com: As if impregnating Heidi Klum wasn't enough, Seal bites off woman's nose

Seal bites off woman's nose
Mon Oct 31,12:18 PM ET
JOHANNESBURG (Reuters) - A seal bit off a South African woman's nose after she tried to help it back into the sea, an official said Monday.
Sad story but a great "headline" from Fark.

Today's STFU Award goes to....

2005-10-31T05:07:00.000-08:00

Chavez: Halloween part of U.S. culture of terror

Sunday, October 30, 2005

CARACAS, Venezuela (AP) -- President Hugo Chavez urged Venezuelan parents not to dress their children in costumes for Halloween, calling it a U.S. custom that has no place in the South American country's cultural traditions. Speaking during his weekly radio and television show Sunday, Chavez called Halloween a "gringa," or North American, custom. "Families go and begin to disguise their children as witches," Chavez said. "That is contrary to our ways."
PC thugs are everywhere, not just in the US anymore. It's a fun holiday, kids get to dress up and get candy. Lighten up, jackass.

Urban Legend no more?

2005-10-31T04:50:00.000-08:00

Border opens as police nab kidney thieves
October 31, 2005
ISLAMABAD: Pakistan and India agreed to open their heavily militarised border in disputed Kashmir yesterday to help get aid to the victims of the devastating October 8 earthquake......

The move came as police in Pakistan arrested a gang of Afghans who were caught removing kidneys from the bodies of Kashmiri earthquake victims.
Kashmiri Kidney Caper! Soon to be a punk band and a cable movie starring Corey Feldman.

God speaks out...with Lightning!

2005-10-31T04:44:00.000-08:00

Sunday, October 30, 2005 · Last updated 10:42 p.m. PT
Texas pastor electrocuted during baptism
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WACO, Texas -- A pastor performing a baptism was electrocuted inside his church Sunday morning after adjusting a nearby microphone while standing in water, a church employee said.
What is it with Waco, Texas? Cults, lightning bolts from Heaven...maybe someone's trying to tell us something?

Blizzard works for the MAN

2005-10-31T04:36:00.000-08:00

Last Updated: Monday, 31 October 2005, 08:40 GMT

Warcraft game maker in spying row
By Mark Ward Technology Correspondent, BBC News website

Warden watches as gamers explore Warcraft's worldGame maker Blizzard has been accused of spying on the four million players of World of Warcraft.
Net activists branded software used to spot cheats "spyware" because it gathers information about the other programs running on players' PCs.
In its defence Blizzard said nothing was done with the information gathered by the anti-cheat software.
Great, you can't even trust nerds nowadays.

Crazy Russians...

2005-10-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

Russians well endowed in art
www.ananova.com
A sculptor is coining it in by making statues of wealthy Russian businessmen showing them with huge penises and six testicles.
Or as the rest of the world calls it, Chernobyl Genitalia.

Headlines that shouldn't be-part 2 today

2005-10-13T04:59:00.000-07:00

GOP gay leader dodges a pie
By JESSICA ROCHA, Staff WriterHAPEL HILL -- The head of a national gay Republicans group got "pied" Monday night while giving a speech at UNC-Chapel Hill for National Coming Out Day.

Patrick Guerriero, president of the Log Cabin Republicans, was speaking on the future of sexual politics when a person ran down toward the lectern and hurled a chocolate-laced cream pie at him.

I did it for you, Polident!

2005-10-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Sly Stallone to start "Rocky 6"
POSTED ON 10/12/05 AT 12:30 P.M.BY ETHAN AAMES
Production Weekly reports that Sylvester Stallone has been given the greenlit after many years to go forward with "Rocky 6." He will direct the feature in addition to starring in it as Rocky Balboa once again. Stallone also wrote the screenplay.

"Rocky 6" takes the aging boxer out of retirement, where his match against reigning heavyweight champ Mason "The Line" Dixon causes a media frenzy that puts him in the spotlight again. Shooting will begin in Los Angeles in December.
Rocky VI: Clubber Lang stole my Metamucil! This will probably be like the Kung Fu tv sequel David Carradine did, the one where he moved so slowly it was painful to watch.
Why doesn't he just run for governor somewhere?